No one likes a jerk, everyone loves schadenfreude, and it's really satisfying when those two things dovetail into a steaming pile of karmic justice. So sit back, relax, and behold some recent situations where dickheads got the same crap they feed everyone else shoveled back to them.
#4. Politician Who Campaigned for Internet Censorship Has Site Censored
In most of the free world, you can look at all the porn you want, whenever you want. (In fact, some of you are reading this while you wait for your porn to load.) But in the U.K., recent laws require all Internet service providers to put in a smut filter, turned on by default, thanks to the efforts of a group of concerned politicians who bugged everyone about this for years. Politicians like conservative Member of Parliament Claire Perry, whose own website was immediately blocked as soon as the porn filters were turned on.
Look at all that bush. Disgusting.
Hey, the Academy Awards are tonight! So while the planet waits with bated breath to see if Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa will walk away with the highest cinematic achievement in all the land, we're bringing you the unofficial list of Oscars the Academy doles out year after year ... without even realizing it.
#5. Best Newcomer With a Slightly More Complex Than Usual Name Who Will Lose and Then Disappear Forever
2014's Winner: Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)
Every year, the Oscars give us fresh-faced underdogs to root for, only to yank the red carpet out from under them so hard that they blast off out of the atmosphere and into a nearby black hole for the rest of eternity. This is tragic, but it's not as tragic as the fact that America will go to any length to not pronounce a word with vowel and consonant combinations outside of their comfort zone. Think of the accolades that would've been showered upon these nominees had they been named Jen Butt or Dee Ugh or Roy Burp.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
"Sorry, but we need to save Chiwetel Ejiofor for a superhero franchise later."
Past Winners: Quvenzhane Wallis, Hailee Steinfeld, Gabourey Sidibe, Saoirse Ronan, Abigail Breslin, Catalina Sandino Moreno
Laws are tricky, because they're all a matter of phrasing. Ideally, they protect us from our fellow citizens by using the least restrictive language possible so as not to impede anyone's rights. But sometimes we err too much on the side of caution and end up leaving loopholes big enough to drive a monster truck through.
#5. You Can Totally Stuff a Dead Body With Newspaper
When the family of the late Kendrick Johnson ordered a second autopsy to try to get to the bottom of his mysterious death, they discovered that the funeral home had removed most of his organs and stuffed his body with newspaper, because apparently they were planning on using him as a Halloween decoration. Had they waited another month or two to call for the second autopsy, Kendrick's body might well have been filled with candy.
Which would still taste better than candy corn.
We're not journalists here at Cracked, but thanks to Google and a little something called baseline literacy, we're once again here to bring you the latest in unmitigated horseshit the news has to offer. No need to thank us with offerings of gifts and/or tasteful nude photographs -- all we ask is that the next time you read about the latest teen trend or crazy story from China in your news feed, keep in mind that it might be baloney, just like ...
#6. Selfies Aren't Spreading Head Lice
Selfies have popped up in all sorts of dumbass situations lately, but the real horror apparently comes in the last place you'd expect:
"It's just like the dick pics crabs outbreak of '09."