You don't have to work too hard to convince us that psychics are a scummy bunch. When famous psychic Sylvia Browne died last month, hardly anyone had anything nice to say about her -- which almost never happens when someone dies. So it takes a special kind of awful to get called out as a particularly terrible psychic. Incredibly, these four people hit that mark.
(Even psychics don't know how bicycles work. And neither do scientists. Our De-Textbook has more.)
#4. Evil Spirit Scammers Target Elderly Chinese Ladies
Imagine you're walking through New York City's Chinatown and a stranger approaches you, claiming your child will be dead in two days. After a quick glance to find the cameras and a 2003 version of Ashton Kutcher, you might actually get freaked out. Especially after another person joins the conversation and talks you and your new friend into visiting a spiritual healer to get rid of evil spirits that are about to haunt the fuck out of your loved ones. But first you just need to go home and grab some valuables. Don't ask questions -- just do it.
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"Well it's valuable to me."
Several iconic items that represent famous swaths of the past have recently gone to auction, so if you've got several potato sacks of $100,000 to spare, famous relics can sit in your living room, watching you masturbate at the spectacle of your pecuniary intemperance.
#4. A 150 Million-Year-Old Dinosaur Skeleton
Back in 2009, one of perhaps half a dozen full diplodocus skeletons discovered thus far was found in a Wyoming quarry, with nine weeks of digging required to fully disinter the skeleton. Most of these skeletons are treasured pieces in museums and galleries. But this dinosaur is different, because earlier this autumn, the 60-foot-long beast went on the auction block.
Normally, when a scary movie claims to be "based on a true story," they're using that term fairly loosely -- which is weird, because the opening minutes of horror flicks are unfolding in real life, all around the world, and with hilarious frequency.
So as part of our never-ending campaign to shatter your delusions of security and leave you a quaking shell of a human being, it's our job to inform you that ...
#7. A Fish Orgy Likely Terrorized a Small English Town
Earlier this autumn, the unsuspecting citizens of Hampshire, England, were the victims of a nocturnal, pulsing hum that proved so annoying that residents escaped their homes to find some decent shut-eye. Scientists fingered a curious culprit -- tons of horny midshipman fish, whose courtship rituals require the males to boldly out-hum their sexual competitors.
"You have your 'hummers,' we have ours."
Some viral stories spread across the Internet with such alacrity that it almost seems like people didn't even read them before smashing the "Share" button -- which would explain why so many of them are actually total bullshit.
So, before you show your vast array of fourth cousins and high school friends you haven't talked to in a decade that adorable/awesome/terrifying news item, please take a second to check it for lodged pieces of corn. Otherwise, you could end up disseminating tales as fake as ...
#5. That Dude Who "Schooled" the Lady on a Plane Made It All Up
When a mid-ranking Twitter user and H-list celebrity boasted an epic battle of note-passing between himself and a rude airline passenger named Diane, the Internet rejoiced, then immediately threw themselves into a debate about whether the dude they just called a "hero" was sexist.