How Marvel Tricked You Into Seeing 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

#2. They Also Revisit Your Favorite Scene From The Avengers

Guardians' nostalgia doesn't go back far. Remember how in The Avengers gobs of asshole aliens attacked and only the Avengers could stop them? Remember those shots of aliens swarming down to unleash all kinds of murder?

Marvel Studios

Well, we hope you liked that, because in Guardians, more asshole aliens attack and only the Guardians of the Galaxy can stop them, with the same MacGuffin and shots!

Marvel Studios
If you squint, you can see a Hawkeye cameo where he does the same thing from the other film: nothing.

Our point isn't that these filmmakers are being lazy -- in fact, it's kind of brilliant. Remember, this movie is based on a comic series no normal people have ever read. In order to sell new audiences on this madness, they needed to reassure them with scenes that looked exactly like things they'd seen work before. Because familiarity makes us feel comfortable. And comfortable people spend money. And money can be used to buy goods and services. We trust you're caught up with us at this point.

#1. If You Don't Care, Neither Does Marvel

Yeah, Marvel's already announced that Guardians of the Galaxy 2 comes out in 2017. Sure, the buzz and box office estimates look rosy. But if the entire movie-going population goes insane, ignores Guardians, and randomly drops $900 million on Planes: Fire and Rescue, the Avengers franchise superstructure will survive. Hell, Guardians doesn't even take place on Earth. If the movie tanks, Tony Stark won't even notice, or miss the fact that he's destined for an unsatisfactory sex scene with Zoe Saldana's character.

Marvel Comics
Spock: 1, Stark: 0.

It's worth noting further that Guardians was preceded by Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which was the most realistic Marvel film simply because it starred Robert Fucking Redford. If Guardians flops, trust that Marvel's going to reel it back in, scrap their plans for 2034's Ego, the Living Planet movie, and gear up for Iron Man 22: We're Just Adding CGI to Chaplin.

Marvel Comics
Please make this happen. *Play for Full Effect*

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