Halloween is the only time of year when a grown adult is legally and morally obligated to attack children in his front yard while dressed as a scarecrow. However, some people take this obligation way too far, resulting in monstrously mental anguish and phantasmagorically physical trauma.
#6. House Breaks the Fourth Wall of Halloween Decorations
One North Carolina family decided to decorate for Halloween by dangling a dummy from the edge of their second story roof as if he had been cleaning the gutters and suddenly slipped, because they apparently thought the best way to delight trick-or-treaters was to stage a tragic domestic accident.
"How's he still holding on? It's like the forearm strength of five horny 14-year-olds!"
Someone spotted the scene and called the fire department, seeing as how Halloween is in no way represented and it just looks like a human being about to plunge to his death.
#5. Cops Think a Dude Got Run Over by His Lawn Mower
Not far from the hanging dummy, some jubilant trickster decided to spook his fellow Halloweenies by staging another domestic accident, this time of a man who improbably managed to get run over by his own riding lawnmower:
Why are his legs bleeding?
No pumpkins, no ghosts or skeletons ... just an empty field with a body sprawled beneath a lawnmower. From close up, it looks completely fake, but people passing by in their cars would be understandably fooled into thinking they were looking at the scene of the most cartoonish personal disaster in recorded history. The police were called, but quickly called off by an observant neighbor who realized it was just a poorly executed joke without a punchline.
#4. A Father "Pranks" His Kids by Pretending to Kill Their Mother
Possessed by the devious spirit of the season, a man impishly donned a Michael Myers mask (the killer from Halloween, not Austin Powers) and jubilantly pretended to violently strangle his wife to death in front of their two young children.
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They're going to reverse the roles when they explain sex to them.
The kids, aged 6 and 8, immediately booked to their neighbor's house to call the shit out of the police before their parents had time to reveal that it had all been a joke. The sheriff said he was glad it turned out to just be a prank, which is a tactful way of calling the two parents raging dumbasses.
#3. Teacher Bursts Through Classroom Door With a Chainsaw
A teacher in a Massachusetts high school classroom heard a knock on the door and instructed one of his 15-year-old students to answer it. When the kid opened the door, another teacher was standing on the other side wearing a mask and wielding a chainsaw, because pranks about murdering children in school are a guaranteed chucklefest, especially in the current national climate.
"We were just trying to prepare them for stupid pranks in the adult world."
In his flailing desperation to escape, the student stumbled over a chair and fractured his goddamned knee to the tune of a $100,000 lawsuit. However, everyone is in firm agreement that the stunt was a rib-splittingly jocular frolic.
#2. Guy Keeps Armed Robber Costume on While Going to Get Coffee After a Party
A man left a costume party in the early morning hours and went to a coffee stand, forgetting that he was dressed like a skull-masked burglar complete with a bandanna and an assault rifle, because apparently "liquor-store-robbing spree killer" is an award-winning costume idea.
Hours of dedicated thought and crapsmanship were poured into this ensemble.
Unsurprisingly, the coffee stand barista barricaded herself inside and called 911 to encourage the police to come shoot this armed bandit to death. Meanwhile, he stood outside, knocking on the door, evidently totally oblivious to his appearance. The cops arrived, but luckily refrained from slaying him long enough to determine that he was just some drunk jackass wandering home from a costume party.
#1. Two Bloody Corpses Outside House Are Apparently Decorations
Johnnie Mullins likes to get into the spirit of Halloween by giving neighbors and passersby a good scare. However, rather than spookying up his front yard with tombstones and rubber bats, he stages elaborately gruesome crime scenes in his driveway that in no way reference the holiday:
Although when you think about it, the logistics of what must have occurred here are mind-boggling.
His upset neighbors called the cops, to which Mullins responded by shedding the very last of the fucks he had left to give and adding another body to his display.