Some crimes -- like a diamond heist or a revenge pantsing -- make complete sense. But then there are other crimes, those that not only lack reasonable explanations, but leave you burdened with the same questions you had after finding out Gary Busey was once nominated for an Oscar: What? How did this happen? Who was in charge here? Is the Joker loose? The recent crimes on this list fall into that second category.
#5. Someone Graffitied a (Fake) Space Shuttle
When the space shuttle program was officially retired, Houston ended up with the least exciting of the prizes -- a display model of a shuttle that never actually made it to space. Nevertheless, NASA welcomed their replica with open arms, proudly displaying the look-alike at Johnson Space Center and celebrating its arrival with a "Shuttlebration." The one thing they forgot to do was assign some guards to keep an eye on the thing, which is why we ended up with this:
"Your move, Banksy."
Someone just waltzed in and spray painted the thing with the stupidest graffiti this side of a sixth-grade bathroom stall. "Houston, we are the problem" and "Space!" and (United States) "of Dez Nuts" were among the gems scribbled. Not to mention sundry racial stuff and what appears to be a teddy bear, because of course.
"Maybe we can change it to 'Dez Vuts.'"
Another message that was scrawled on the shuttle was "Drugs made me do it," which we guess is better than the true reason: Someone didn't get enough Bill Nye when he was a kid.
#4. A Russian Man Steals a Whole Road
A resident of Syktyvkar, Russia, had apparently taken the phrase "the streets are paved with gold" to heart when he decided to take apart a 1-mile road that connected a village to the Vychegda River. In the hardest possible way to make the equivalent of $6,000, this guy removed the concrete by using a manipulator and loaded up his "loot" in three truckloads.
"What's the street value of a street these days?"
When authorities noticed that a whole road was missing, it didn't require Sherlock Holmes to find the culprit who was driving around with three truckloads of concrete. The craziest part is that this isn't even the first road-stealing incident in Russia -- thieves have taken to stealing whole bridges in recent months. Driving in the former Soviet Union must be like encountering the Nothing from The Neverending Story.
#3. Carjackers Accidentally Stole a Truckload of Radioactive Material
A bunch of car thieves got way more than they bargained for when they stole a cargo truck at a Mexican gas station. Instead of getting heroin or illegal immigrants or whatever they thought they were getting, the thieves ended up with a pile of cobalt-60, a highly dangerous radioactive material used in hospitals for radiation therapy.
The carjackers accosted the driver, who had pulled over at the station for a snooze, and straight up stole the whole truck. Now, you'd think a truck carrying poison would have some alarms or GPS installed, but nope! Authorities found the truck abandoned in a field with the radioactive treasures nearby ... opened. Officials said the person who opened the box most definitely received a lethal dose of radiation poisoning that would result in death in one to three days if he didn't get to a hospital.
"Yeah, we got some pretty good prints from his hand that fell off."
In an unexpected turn that will leave you scratching your head, at least six different incidences of stolen radioactive substances are reported each year in Mexico, which makes the fact that this truck had no security or GPS even more mind-bogglingly weird. We can guess what Mexico's New Year's resolution will be.
#2. Thieves Walk Off With $500,000 Camera from Dumb and Dumber Set
Because we all know that Hollywood has completely run out of ideas at this point, it should come as no surprise that they are making a Dumb and Dumber sequel, wittily named Dumb and Dumber To.
"Say 'Paycheck!' on three!"
While filming in Chamblee, Georgia, the crew went to a local IHOP for some grub, leaving their film equipment in the SUV, which included a $500,000 camera that had to be flown in for some helicopter scenes.
"My brother was used on Gravity, my sister gets used by Scorsese, and I'm in an IHOP parking lot,
waiting to shoot a sequel to Dumb and Dumber. #FML"
The crew likely made a Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity in their drawers when they exited the eatery and discovered that their SUV had been broken into and the aforementioned $500,000 camera was missing. The burglars probably had no idea what they had their hands on and just took the thing that looked the most expensive. Either that, or they knew it would be used to film Dumb and Dumber To and, in an act of defiance and believing they were standing up for modern art, stole it. Since there are only about 10 such cameras existing in the world and no one would possibly know its value, it would be impossible to sell the camera for half a million dollars.
To make the situation even more hilarious than any plotline in the Dumb and Dumber sequel could possibly be, the camera cannot even function without its other parts, which are strewn in some 12 separate crates, rendering the stolen camera completely useless.
#1. A Man Steals a Family's House
An Ohio family made an extended visit to a sick relative, as Ohio families are apt to do, and when they got home, they found a stranger living in their house.
"They call me Goldilocks."
Robert Carr had climbed through the house's window, emptied out all their personal belongs, changed the locks, and claimed he was the house's new owner, thanks to something called a quiet title, which was given to him by the county.
It turns out Carr had also "quiet titled" 10 other houses in Ohio that he said were abandoned. Carr explained his actions by saying, "When you abandon something, bam, walk away from it. Somebody can come in, 'Oh, mine.'" It kind of sounds like Carr is laying claim to the houses by saying, "You move your feet, you lose your seat," which, thankfully, is not exactly how our legal system works. In fact, in Ohio, you would only receive "squatter's rights" on a home if you had occupied it for 21 consecutive years.
Carr has been arrested in connection with three of the house thefts, but as you would expect from a man who seems to make up his own rules, he scrawled "rejected" across his indictment.
"Shit! What are we going to do now!?!" -District Attorney
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