The Internet has taught us that the governments of the world aren't above getting silly every once in a while -- the White House recently wrote a detailed response explaining why they can't build a Death Star, and even senators and congressmen have gone so far as to embrace Doge memes. Unfortunately, sometimes our authorities forget to turn off their legendary senses of humor when broaching serious subjects and just come off like insensitive jackasses.
We never thought the day would come when we'd complain about government officials getting too whimsical, but then again, no one could have predicted shit like ...
#4. Police Write Anti-Rape Christmas Poem, "The Nightmare Before Christmas"
Last December, police in Nottinghamshire, England, finally realized that putting out "Ladies, don't get raped" ads isn't the most productive way to combat a very serious problem, so this time they decided to target the perpetrators instead. How? Why, by writing would-be rapists a Christmas poem, couplets and all. Here's the opening:
It gets even worse when you read it in Jack Skellington's voice.
In the same rhythm of a similarly titled poem, "Twas the Night Before Christmas," the jolly lyrics describe a rapist fondly remembering the crime he just committed, unaware that the cops are about to pay him a visit -- which is a slight departure from the original poem about hopeful children dreaming of the gifts Santa would surprise them with on Christmas morning. When people felt offended by the poem, the police were quick to apologize (and by apologize we mean "explain why citizens shouldn't be offended and leave the poem up").
#3. U.S. Navy Releases Anti-Bath Salts Cartoon (and Song!)
Last year, we told you about the U.S. Navy's efforts to prevent drug use among their ranks through a video where a sailor snorts bath salts and his life turns into a dubstep version of The Exorcist. Well, apparently the Navy heard about our concerns and went in the opposite direction for their new PSA: They made an animated musical number that resembles a cross between a G.I. Joe episode and a Disney movie.
The song, entitled "Designer Drugs: Designed to Defeat You," features a reggae-esque upbeat tempo while a not-very-effective pusher convinces a shipmate to try bath salts by singing about how they'll wreck his life. And if the rap stanza somehow fails to convince you that drugs are bad, there's also a second number with more of a country flavor (about synthetic marijuana) that ends with the lyrics "Yeah, the Navy will bust you and ban your liiiiife" ...
... which is catchy and all, but we question the efficacy of any PSA that looks like it was animated around the same time as The Herculoids.
#2. Chinese Government Newspaper Fights Corruption With Flash Game
In order to prove their dedication to eradicating corruption among the Communist Party, the Chinese government has made a valiant and significant gesture -- no, not eradicating corruption among the Communist Party (that would be silly), but releasing a goofy flash game through the People's Daily teaching the importance of electrocuting dirty officials with a stun baton. And before you ask, yes, you can play it here. (The jury's still out if it surpasses the North Korean driving simulator.)
The People's Daily
But no, you probably won't beat Obama's high score.
The game is the Chinese government corruption equivalent of Whack-A-Mole: You get points for zapping corrupt officials, but if you hit a police officer, you lose 100 points (and wake up in a Chinese prison the next day). Unfortunately, as citizens pointed out, the more officials you electrocute, the more appear on the screen, and eventually you lose. You know, China, maybe "fighting against corruption is futile and will get you killed" isn't the best message to put out there.
#1. Australian Government Releases Comic Book Warning Immigrants to Avoid Australia
Australia has a big problem with asylum seekers from Third World countries thinking they can just go there, start a kangaroo farm, and be set for life. To discourage visitors from every poor nation in the world in one fell swoop, the Australian government released a "DON'T COME HERE" document written in the universal language of comic books. The story starts off with a young man in Afghanistan suffering his shitty life until someone tells him about the magical land of Oceania.
"No, man, seriously! They have clean shirts there!"
The man decides to ship himself illegally over the treacherous waters to Australia, but the boat is caught by the navy and everyone is detained and placed in dingy camps guarded by armed officials. At this point, the man realizes he made a huge mistake as he spends the rest of his days yearning for the exotic dances of his people.
The comic then ends on that terribly depressing note ... at least until the Australian government decides to write a sequel guest-starring Wolverine to boost readership.
The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter and follow him on Facebook.
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