4 Surreal Ways Scary Groups Are Trying to Look Friendly

#2. Neo-Nazis Are Turning Into Hipsters to Appeal to the Youth

Neo-Nazis admittedly face a pretty tough challenge when they do membership drives. It's hard to win people over to your cause when your cause was responsible for, oh, the darkest period in human history. Consequently, recruitment brochures are a brainteaser to assemble, which is why the neo-Nazis in Germany have been trying to clean up their image (and the label "neo-Nazi") by turning themselves into fashionable, scene-conscious hipsters.

"Our posters are printed with recycled paper and recycled hate."

Nipsters, short for "Nazi hipsters" and/or "nationalist hipsters" (see: "challenging brochure," above), are what the leaders of the neo-Nazi party of Germany realized they had to become once their membership numbers were at an all-time low. Pro-Nazi sentiment has gradually shrunk from 9.7 percent to 5.6 percent over the past 12 years; simultaneously, German youths have become increasingly susceptible to scarves, ironic hashtags, and wearing messenger bags everywhere they go, whether or not they actually need them to carry anything.

So what did the Nazis do? They began using Tumblr and Twitter, presumably to share vintage pictures of a nonchalantly candid Hitler drinking coffee at an open mic; they changed their wardrobe from "Walmart" to "H&M"; and they even started a cooking show for Nazi vegans, which is a statement that should be a joke, but absolutely isn't. They also like to hang out like moody post-adolescents, sporting eco-friendly handbags decorated with trendy minimalist hate speech.

Jesko Wrede via rollingstone.com
"I'm a total fascisnista."

They've even loosened the reins on their trademark fanatical racism in an effort to be a more inclusive group of violent socialists. According to the leaders of the new neo-Nazi movement, you can love Rihanna as an artist but still despise black people on Facebook, so as you can see, there's no reason not to join. It's not all business with nipsters, though -- they're just like any other group of opinionated young people who like to have fun. They organize an annual "Live H8" concert, and in their free time they like to make Harlem Shake videos, because as hipsters, they feed on irony.

#1. China's Special Forces Are Recruiting With Movie Posters

China has recently declared a nationwide "people's war" on terror, which surprisingly doesn't involve spending trillions of dollars on a perpetual troop deployment in the Middle East. However, maintaining peace in a country with over four times the population of the United States requires a massive police force. And when your country loves Michael Bay movies more than America does, your best hope in driving new membership is to depict the police force in super badass Hollywood-style movie posters, pouring out of an armored G.I. Joe van and lining up for explosive action that will likely also contain some soft-core nudity.

Chengdu Public Security Bureau
"Wait until you see what's behind this riot shield ..."

Chengdu's Public Security Bureau (actual motto: "Loyalty! Serving the People! Justice! Cleanliness!") recently released these posters to help reach their recruitment goal of nearly 400 new members for their Special Forces division, all but promising hopeful applicants that at least a portion of their workday will occur in slow motion.

Chengdu Public Security Bureau
"Can ... can I put the leg down? It's been 10 minutes."

If these posters have taught us anything, it's that Chinese cops apparently carry crossbows. That's just, like, a job one guy on every team has. But it's not all roundhouse kicks and explosions -- there's downtime for hilarious antics and playful alt-rock opening credit montages with your fellow officers, too. Because above all else, Chengdu Police is a family.

Chengdu Public Security Bureau
With crossbows.

The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. The first $0.99 novella can be found here, with Part 2 out here. Or leave a review and get a free copy! Poke him on Twitter and follow him on Facebook.

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