4 Great 'Peanuts' Specials for Traumatizing Children

In total, there have been 54 Peanuts TV specials. Very few of them are good, and some are totally insane.

#4. What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown?

As Charlie Brown and the gang drive through Europe (for some reason), they stop in Normandy to reminisce about D-Day, because the harrowing Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied France should always be in the back of every 8-year-old's mind.

We're looking forward to the Peanuts Vietnam special, "It's An Unexploded Land Mine, Charlie Brown."

Then, the kids visit the poppy field near the battle site where many of the soldiers are buried, and Linus recites the poem "In Flander's Fields" for the single most depressing confrontation with mortality that has ever been featured in a cartoon for children:

Now, we're not saying D-Day isn't important to learn about, but these characters (and the majority of their audience) aren't even out of elementary school. Their problems involve kicking footballs, security blankets, and adults that talk like trombones. What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown? makes as much sense as a Spongebob Squarepants retrospective about 9/11.

#3. What a Nightmare, Charlie Brown!

What a Nightmare, Charlie Brown focuses on a dream Snoopy has wherein he is transformed into a bloodthirsty rage machine.

Pictured: Werner Herzog's A Charlie Brown Struggle.

In the nightmare, Snoopy is a sled dog who gets cruelly abused by both his master and his fellow canines. So, he's finally experiencing what life is like for Charlie Brown on a daily basis.

"How does that bald freak have opposable thumbs and not kill himself?"

Eventually, Snoopy realizes the only way to survive is to become a vicious animal, and he mauls the pack leader, because kids need to be taught early on how to solve their problems with violence.

Snoopy finally escapes his cold, desolate prison of madness when he and his entire team fall through a crack in the ice and drown.

And that, children, is the true value of teamwork.

Snoopy wakes up at the end to reassure the terrified children watching that he didn't just perish in the middle of a blasted Arctic landscape, but we argue that by that point, it is much too late.

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