#2. The KKK Isn't Getting Involved
Like the rest of the planet, we're not exactly jumping to be first in line to defend the Ku Klux Klan. Unfortunately, the media have forced our hand. We hope you're all happy.
*Sigh* Goddamnit, news.
OK, wow. Fuck all of that. Every inch of that should be fucked. As Raw Story, UPI, the Independent, and Salon have shared with us all, it appears that the KKK really sucks balls right now, as they are raising goddamn blood money for the cop who shot the unarmed teenager in question.
Only here's the thing: The KKK doesn't actually fund-raise for their own agenda -- that's what member fees are for -- nor do they permit random members to go to the media for publicity. For example, this confirmed KKK grand wizard recently came out to the media to officially declare the Klan's stance on the fundraiser as being: "We don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
Turns out that whoever is rallying in the name of these white-robed dumbass spectacles is in no way connected with the official headquarters and may or may not just be one crazy dude who simply emailed the press trying to drum up some good old-fashioned racism while the iron is still hot. Joke's on him, though, because we're pretty sure racism has been around for a while now.
#1. Don't Believe ANY of the Tweets from Reporters
If we've learned anything from this and our ongoing series about bullshit in the news, it's that the quicker a news story is moving, the more likely it is that parts are going to fly off in the wind. "Parts" in this analogy being "facts." So when a bunch of Pulitzer-drunk jackasses with press badges and blocks of news vans waft into some small-town tragedy armed with only their wits and 140 characters' worth of hearsay, you bet your lucky stars that bullshit like this is going to happen:
Quality stuff, you bag of stagnant air. The dead body in question, as clarified 12 hours after the tweet, was from an unrelated car accident and not police hammering down on protesters. Also, it wasn't a dead body at all.
"My credibility was announced as DOA."
Not to read as hyperbolic, but tweeting "Dead body!" in the middle of a tense standoff is kind of like yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theater. So here's how we solve this: STOP READING TWEETS. Seriously, no more tweets out of Ferguson from reporters who have a tip-toed view of what's actually happening there. Because rubbernecking shit like this ...
... isn't ...
... helping. If there was ever a time we needed the news to not be a boiling swill of click-bait and outrage fodder ... now is that time. Or are we asking too much?
If you have any leads on BS in Ferguson or anywhere else in the world, do be a peach and share that with David on his Twitter.