4 Awesome Scenes You'll Never See in the 'Star Wars' Movies

To prepare the world for the upcoming Star Wars sequels, Lucasfilm recently announced that it would be officially disintegrating the entire Star Wars expanded universe -- that is, every short story, novel, comic, cartoon, and video game created in the Star Wars universe over the past four decades. Considering the expanded universe is a place populated by green humanoid rabbits and talking mountains, you might not consider this a bad thing. However, there are some storylines in the expanded universe that are so impressively insane that we're honestly kind of sad we will never see them in a film.

#4. The One-Armed Snow Monster from The Empire Strikes Back Comes Back for Vengeance

The wampas are those goat-horned demon ice bears on Hoth, one of which attacks Luke Skywalker and gets its arm sliced off for its trouble (although why Luke doesn't just use his impossible laser sword to completely dismember the monster and spend the night in its cave instead of stumbling back out into the blizzard to nearly die of exposure is a mystery that will never be solved).

"If you make it through this, go study with Master Yoda, as you're clearly still a bit of a dipshit."

According to the expanded universe, he really should've stuck around to finish the job, because when Luke returns to Hoth in the novel Darksaber, that motherfucker comes for him like the shark in Jaws: The Revenge:

"He then used his lightsaber to poke at its dick a couple of times. Just to be certain."

That's right -- that wampa harbored an armless vendetta for years against some guy whose face it barely saw, and when Luke finally comes back to that godforsaken ice planet several years after Return of the Jedi, it forgets how to properly avenge itself and gets magicked in half by a white-hot blade of science fiction fantasy. This is after Luke and his companions wade through a mob of other wampas in the abandoned Rebel base from The Empire Strikes Back. So it's like Deep Blue Sea, in space.

#3. Boba Fett and Han Solo Have a Buddy Cop Adventure

Despite looking totally awesome, Boba Fett doesn't do a goddamned thing in the original Star Wars trilogy except die like a stupid idiot by getting knocked into a giant fanged desert anus by a blind man. However, in the expanded universe, Boba Fett badassedly climbs out of the sarlacc pit ...

"And I thought it smelled bad on the outside."

... only to fall back into a totally different one in the Star Wars comic Jawas of Doom. After escaping from that sarlaac pit, Boba Fett buys an inconspicuous new ship and resumes trying to kill Han Solo, despite the fact that the alien slug gangster who put a price on Solo's head in the first place totally got strangled and exploded to death in the third movie.

"Now it's just the principle of the thing."

Finally, in the short story "The Last One Standing," Boba and Han decide to become friends, and later team the hell up in the book Bloodlines, in which Han wears Boba Fett's freaking armor like some hilarious buddy cop film:

This leads directly into at least 75 slashfics.

The bromance culminates with Boba Fett sending Han Solo a fucking present in the novel Sacrifice. We are not alone in thinking this would be the greatest motion picture of all time.

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