You know the parental milestone of catching your teenager smoking a cigarette? Well, some folks prefer to lecture their kids about the dangers of tobacco use, whereas others reprimand their li'l delinquents by forcing them to smoke the entire pack. And then we have those less orthodox parents who force their progeny to eat the cigarettes on a kaiser roll while wearing Joe Camel masks.
"Son, your mother is a slutty dromedary. I'm sorry you had to find out like this."
The point is, sometimes the lessons we teach are punishments in and of themselves. Here are some would-be Good Samaritans who recently tried to share greater knowledge and insight with humanity, but instead ended up showering confused bystanders with sadness and excrement.
#3. Bank and Ad Agency Team Up to Ruin Some Guy's Life
Think of everything the Internet has on you. Most of us have been doing our banking/shopping/porning online for over a decade now, which makes for one big sloppy online footprint. Obviously, it's important that we remember to keep our guard up against identity thieves. It's so important that a Belgian bank created an ad documenting the actual act of stealing a client's life away from him.
Exactly like that single movie Sandra Bullock made in the 1990s in which computer hackers trapped her on an out-of-control cruise ship as punishment for being a witch from the future.
After the chosen victim accepted an unknown Facebook request, the ad agency proceeded to make a fake call and empty his account. Then -- because your average ad agency has an in-house team of Interpol spymasters -- they molded the victim's face onto an impostor, who then began to buy things in the poor bastard's name, go out to clubs and tag himself in pictures, and book hotel rooms with his signature (and he probably tried to get lucky with his wife).
By the end of the ad agency's video, the perpetrators who ruined the man's life went up to him and laughed the whole situation off, like it was some hidden prank show. And all of it was legal, because Europe is insane. You can watch the creepiness for yourself.
#2. School Teaches Lesson Using Sexy Facebook Picture of Former Student
So you've made it through high school and you're in college, furthering your education by going to the beach and wearing trucker hats. And because it's 2013, you're posting pictures of all this fun on Facebook. That's what the kids do today, and there's no shame in it -- until your alma mater combs through your innocent, privately posted bikini pics and basically labels you an exemplar of total moral degeneracy.
Yes, this scenario unfolded for one Georgia woman when her private photos were shown off at a district-wide seminar, in front of her former classmates and teachers. Apparently, her school exists in a Twilight Zone-style time vortex where swimwear without bonnets and fraternizing with cardboard minorities are causes for concern.
The most lurid thing going on is that sign advertising hardcore maritime hygiene.
The unlucky woman's photos were shown accompanied with the epigram, "Once it's there, it's there to stay." (The smaller subtitle should have been "The faculty of Fayette County schools is free to ogle you once you get that damn diploma.") The ex-student is suing the district, obviously.
#1. School Stages Fake Shooting to Fuck With Teachers
After the local sheriff's office gave educators at Oregon's Pine Eagle Charter School instructions on how to react to a trespassing gunman, the school's administrators weren't sure if the lessons stuck. So, during a teachers' meeting when all of the students were out of school, two of the staff dressed up in masks and opened fire on everyone.
Did Oregon do a Freaky Friday switch with Florida?
Pandemonium broke out among the teachers, because for some reason the morons assumed they were about to die. After a few would-be action hero deaths as teachers stood in front of several shots at a time, the unharmed staff soon realized that the bullets were blanks, and then they all had a good laugh about it. "I got a couple in the front and a couple in the back," one teacher said after the school admitted that only two of them would have survived. Because if there's any way to teach people how to survive school shootings, it's to start shooting at them. (Or give them guns, as the school also suggested.)
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