The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

3 Insane Marriage Proposals (That Actually Worked)

With divorce rates as high as they are, it's a wonder any marriage proposal is accepted these days. When you throw things like faked plane crashes and intestinal trauma into the mix, you'd assume some people are just destined to die alone. But you'd be wrong.

Here are three insane wedding proposals that were actually accepted.

#3. I Now Pronounce You Man and Felon

We've come a long way in the fight for women's rights. Proof of that could be found in a New York courtroom where Nicole Osborne sat facing charges of domestic violence for assaulting her boyfriend, Theodore Murphy. Spousal abuse isn't just for men anymore, and in turn, it appears that turning a blind eye to it out of love is no longer solely the domain of love-stricken pop singers from Barbados.

Getty
Oh yeah, it looks funny. But wait until you see where she plans to sheath that thing.

No matter the beatings, Murphy decided that Nicole Osborne was the woman for him and, right there in court, decided to propose. Unfortunately, a restraining order taken out against Osborne following the assault prevented him from speaking directly to her. To get around this, prosecutors moved to have the restraining order amended on the fly to allow non-criminal contact, because obviously this was a matter that couldn't wait until the two parties were no longer embroiled in a fight for one half's freedom.

With the legal red tape blocking his planned proposal to the woman who whupped his ass now effectively fought through, Theodore Murphy popped the question, and Nicole Osborne said "yes."

Getty
"Bailiff, will you make my client the happiest man in the world by offering this ring to the accused?"

No way is that marriage going to go horribly wrong.

#2. Always Marry a Woman Who Swallows

Putting an engagement ring in a glass of champagne has been a go to marriage proposal tactic for a long time now. One of the reasons it's so effective is because a big piece of metal floating in a glass of mostly clear liquid is easy to spot. That visibility is diminished mightily if you replace the champagne with a less viscous liquid.


"I used pee and seltzer water. Buying the ring pretty much wiped me out."

Reed Harris thought nothing of this when he placed an engagement ring intended for his prospective fiance, Kaitlin Whipple, in a strawberry milkshake. He further complicated things by inviting several of her friends to witness the unorthodox engagement.

When Kaitlin failed to down her shake in a sufficiently speedy manner, one of her friends decided to get things moving by challenging Kaitlin to see who could drink their shake faster. Faster than you could say, "Uh, there's a ring in that," Kaitlin Whipple slammed that strawberry shake and the ring it came with right down her gullet, which was now inadvertently worth thousands of dollars.

It took a trip to the ER and a stomach x-ray to convince Kaitlin anything was even amiss. Upon seeing the medical evidence of her predicament, she promptly accepted the wedding proposal.

A few days later, presumably, she recovered her engagement ring, in the most horrifying of ways possible.


"One ring to poo them all."

#1. The "You're About to Die a Mile High" Club

When Ryan Thompson told Carlie Kennedy he wanted to take her flying, she had no idea her boyfriend intended to ask her to be his wife. She also had no idea she would be trusting her life to a sociopath who lacks the strange human feeling known as empathy.

The flight started normally enough, with the happy couple documenting the flight through pictures likely destined for one of those annoying wedding websites that newlyweds set up when they wrongly believe anyone cares about their nuptials.

But this ominous edit warns of trouble ahead.

In a move we're assuming Ryan Thompson thought up shortly after realizing he didn't want to get married after all, he pretends there's a malfunction with the flight controls.

Judging from this screenshot, we're guessing he didn't convey the information in a "Hey, it's not a big deal!" kind of way.

Ha! She's going to be so happy to have video of the moment she was sure she was going to die. But it's all a ruse, because the safety instructions include this wacky line!

Of course, she said yes, because when a madman has control of the plane you're flying in, you just do whatever he says.

Follow Robert Anthony on Twitter

  • Random

More Quick Fixes:

See More

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

14 Comments

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!