You probably didn't even realize it because no one was talking about it on Facebook or anything, but Wednesday was 12/12/12, or "Dia de tres docenas," as it's called by absolutely no one. History has proven that same-digit dates and benefit concerts taste delicious together, so with the victims of Hurricane Sandy sorely in need of philanthropic rock, some of the biggest names in music came together to play songs for a good cause.
Of course, like any other event that collects as many famous people as possible under one roof, the overall heartwarming and positive vibe of the night was often interrupted by moments of top shelf celebrity buffoonery. Here are a few of those moments.
#3. Kurt Cobain Was a No-Show at the "Nirvana Reunion"
The lead-up to the 121212 Concert was littered with talk of a Nirvana reunion. Followers of the most basic elements of life and death will recognize that scenario as logistically impossible. But it was really happening, and the man chosen to fill the dilapidated Chuck Taylors of Kurt Cobain was, naturally ... Sir Paul McCartney? Video of the offending incident is being quickly scrubbed from existence online, but Huffington Post still has it, because video rights are way more affordable when you don't pay your employees.
Don't watch that video expecting your favorite Nirvana hits, though. Instead, the "reunited Nirvana" played one nearly unidentifiable song and immediately exited the stage without saying a word. They didn't follow it up by tearing through "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or anything. They certainly didn't play "Mexican Seafood" or "Negative Creep" like we were kind of hoping they would.
They just left the stage as quickly as they walked on, and Paul went back to playing Wings tunes with his band. And most importantly, they never mentioned Kurt Cobain. Not by name, not even once.
Instead, fans hoping to hear something, anything Nirvana-related were treated to Paul McCartney's idea of grunge. In case you're wondering, the song they played was called "Cut Me Some Slack." It's like they knew that people were going to hate it before they even took the stage.
#2. Kanye West Wore a Skirt and Praised Crack (Sort Of)
Kanye West wore a leather kilt and leather leggings onstage during his performance. That information, in conjunction with this photo ...
Why is this happening?
... would totally be enough to fill the comedy requirements of this entry. But it gets better. Take a look at this picture:
Science, is that you?
That's what's on the back of that sweatshirt he's wearing. Science nerds will recognize that word, Pyrex, as the super durable glass that's used to make beakers and test tubes. The problem is, in rap music, it's also a reference to one of the key materials used in cooking crack cocaine. If you don't believe that the two are intrinsically linked, this Popular Science article about how an alteration in the makeup of Pyrex measuring cups sold at Walmart dramatically affected the production of crack should put your doubts to rest.
Alternately, you could do some poor man's scientific exploration of your own by running the words "rap lyrics Pyrex" through a search engine of your choosing. Here's what you get:
Of course there's a Christmas song!
Every one of those songs listed is by a different artist. We're just saying, as far as references go, Pyrex is a pretty powerful one in rap music, and it refers to a very specific thing. Be it intentional or not, by wearing that sweatshirt, Kanye West was slyly endorsing crack cocaine, which you might recognize as the last thing that destroyed large areas of New York and New Jersey.
#1. The Who Went Insane
Roger Daltrey spiced up the Who's performance by ripping open his shirt to reveal that his geriatric chest had been replaced with a faithful recreation of Ricardo Montalban's chest from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.
Complete with battle scars apparently from years of fighting crime.
Next, during "Baba O'Riley," Pete Townshend inexplicably changed the classic "It's only teenage wasteland" line to "It's only Sandy wasteland."
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is he implying that the East Coast is now a sandy wasteland? Everyone knows that, Townshend; you're supposed to be helping them raise money to fix it, not reminding everyone of it in song. Save the improv for the cast of SNL.
Just joking -- they were worse.
Of course, we'd be total jerks to write this without also reminding you that the victims of Sandy still need your help. For more information about how you can help, go here.