15 Ways They Could Get People to Actually Watch TV Again

It's a shame the producers of Survivor said years ago that they are never going to hold a staged show anywhere cold.

11/12/2009 12:55:52 PM

RiderFan

#11 was the best. They need to bring that show back

07/02/2009 08:39:00 AM

AM9393

I would definitely watch Hannity and Godzilla. So what do you think of the current state of the War in Iraq? RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

06/14/2009 02:22:00 PM

SIMM0NS77

12, 4, and 1!!!

03/30/2009 07:06:00 AM

yesbutnotyou

#11! Yeah, Fox really should be sorry.

01/22/2009 05:00:00 PM

SaniOKh

Arrested Development wins!!!

12/12/2008 11:06:00 AM

fiforever

If I dun has internet howma gunna keep ups with me myspace and facebook friends (opens mouth and tastes lead)

12/09/2008 01:31:00 AM

SUPADUNCE

If there internet were deleted, which im damn sure is impossable, I would cry an angry swarm of tiny, flying Michael Jacksons. That should be a plague in the bible.... hmmm * scratches chin thoughtfully *

11/29/2008 01:01:00 PM

DJCMarcoh

Number 13 is the best.

11/20/2008 08:19:00 PM

drew081886

I forsee mass suicides if number 1 actually happens.

11/01/2008 12:54:00 PM

GoHopewell

That number 11 was the best.

10/07/2008 11:24:00 AM

MarcAbian

#1 is the scariest picture I've ever seen in my entire life!!!! Internet deleted? I have NO reason to live. :(

09/21/2008 10:40:00 AM

martron3000

Cannot stop lauging at #5 for some reason...

09/19/2008 10:03:00 AM

Horsepower67

#11 = #1

09/18/2008 01:04:00 PM

DapperDaveIa

#11 ftw.

09/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

bunni

I would kill to watch Naked The Price is Right

09/17/2008 09:06:00 AM

Rookalopolis

#12 actually isn't a bad idea to tell the truth. I'd have Jack play hackysack with a grenade.

09/16/2008 06:18:00 PM

Slightly_sane

why didn't 11 win? its the only good one.

09/14/2008 06:12:00 PM

wickedspork

11 owns! should be no 1

09/14/2008 02:19:00 AM

Obefiend

#12, #11, #9, #4 and #1 are the best.

09/14/2008 02:16:00 AM

Jazzy

Number 11 is kick assery

09/13/2008 11:30:00 PM

Shancey

#11 Sucking Fucks!

09/13/2008 09:41:00 AM

PantherHeel93

I loved #10 and #8!!!!!

09/13/2008 09:01:00 AM

Framon

Whenever I'm allowed to switch the channels on the TV, it's either CourtTV or Cartoon Network. I have, several times in the past, watched eight straight hours of World's Wildest Police Chases and similar stuff, riveted to the end. I R LOOZER.

09/13/2008 05:34:00 AM

MaggieMarvel

I had a few small laughs here and there.

09/12/2008 09:49:00 PM

Synorbs

WOW! These are ALL hilarious! That's...a first for this. Well done, photoshoppers.

09/12/2008 07:53:00 PM

Jack-O

PORN. Porn. porn. pOrn. poRn. porN. POrn. PoRn. PorN. pOrN. Pr0n.

09/12/2008 07:27:00 PM

Chef

I liked most of them, but I really loved the choose your own ending one. I think number one really would be the only way I would start watching TV again. Maybe. And they burnt all the books too.

09/12/2008 05:42:00 PM

Starbite

Word, PopsicleStix.

09/12/2008 03:35:00 PM

Mothermagna

Number 11 should be number one. I don't know why the people here pick lame-ass entries and only one or two good ones. And in all fairness, as good as Arrested Development is, I don't think it belonged on FOX. If it were on any of the three major networks (CBS, ABC, NBC) or on HBO, then it'd still be on the air and the world would be a better place.

09/12/2008 10:23:00 AM

PopsicleStix

10 and 9 caused me to laugh like a maniac in a public place. Thanks?

09/12/2008 09:40:00 AM

katryzana

#4? seem to remember making this reality a reality 2 years ago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk9UQbJFcjQ

09/12/2008 06:20:00 AM

jod27

I fucking lost it at #5. good work.

09/12/2008 05:53:00 AM

JiminyJetson

yotube, redtube, pornotube works for me. no need of tv yet. Sean 32 @ 2oni.com Sexy Girls Online

09/12/2008 05:20:00 AM

neil

TV companies, news corporations, the music business. All anachronistic organisations of a bygone era, desperately clutching at the last few pieces of driftwood from a Titanic economy ravaged by a global iceberg. Their indignation at losing control over their markets, sorry, audiences is almost pitiful. The Romans actually got it right. Let's watch some real Gladiators, none of this kiddie-play bull. Someone should set up a 'Real Gladiators' website where we can watch battles and interact. Subscription only, of course. Also, you spelt 'than' wrong in the first sentence. Sorry. Pet hate of mine :)

09/12/2008 03:54:00 AM

motophiliac

#11 ftw.

09/12/2008 02:32:00 AM

Dr_Tchock

haha yes I love #11!!

09/12/2008 01:54:00 AM

AlyssaJeane

Hmmm I have a gimmick we could try, Well written programs with good solid acting and engaging storylines. It's been done before, with great success.

09/11/2008 08:35:00 PM

MartyRotten

5, 8 or 10 should have won. Of course, Godzilla should be eating Sean Hannity (or vice versa)

09/11/2008 08:08:00 PM

benbolin

Number 11 was the best.

09/11/2008 07:58:00 PM

Hacksaw_Highway

Its funny how on #15, the only button that isnt porn is the mute button.

09/11/2008 07:22:00 PM

DirtyD

v number 10 is the best in my books.

09/11/2008 07:07:00 PM

Isshiah

Cool, I made number 10! :)

09/11/2008 06:45:00 PM

steely8383

Arrested Development....I miss you sooo much.

09/11/2008 06:17:00 PM

TrapserCat

They may or may not have been funny. I have been scarred by the thoguht of Naked Price is Right. On the one hand, Barker's Beauties. On the other hand... *vomits*

09/11/2008 06:08:00 PM

BakNBlack

Woohoo! I got in the banner! I'm flattered. Thanks. My fave is #13. I actually DID watch the whole season of ABC's "Cavemen".

09/11/2008 05:43:00 PM

Billy Goat

#11 FTW

09/11/2008 05:29:00 PM

canhazlol?

Haha! number 11 is gold

09/11/2008 05:29:00 PM

mikey321

i don't think people will start watching porn on tv when sites like http://www.doyax.com freely available in the internet!

09/11/2008 04:55:00 PM

doyax

#11 was awesome #1 was cool too... and pretty much true

09/11/2008 04:51:00 PM

trgdr777

these were all very funny. thank you.

09/11/2008 04:50:00 PM

WOW!

It's often been said that in comedy timing is everything and this is especially true in Lindsey's case. If you can crack a perfectly timed joke while she's gobblin' your nob you can actually make her laugh so hard your spooge comes out her nose. That's comedy gold right there

09/11/2008 03:23:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

Number 11 FTW!!! I can't wait until the movie! YAAAAAAAY, AD!!

09/11/2008 03:15:00 PM

Tartra

change #11 to Dark Angel with Jessica Alba, no substitutions, and I'm all over it.

09/11/2008 03:14:00 PM

tomahto

Good stuff all around, but major LOL on #5. Totally random and unexpected.

09/11/2008 02:42:00 PM

Noeckett

I'm only assuming they've been paid. I honestly don't know. It's equally (probably more) likely they were simply "re-educated".

09/11/2008 02:21:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

Scarlett, your not funny, though this article is : ) (reference to Scarlett's photoshopped breasts)

09/11/2008 02:17:00 PM

kaage123

Hell anything that involves K-Fed getting bitch-slapped can't be all bad. I say we put him in the next Jackass movie with the implicit understanding that his role is "the bitch".

09/11/2008 01:57:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

Yeah but I'm talking about the voters, not the paid and "highly trained" phony sycophants they bus in just so they can go apeshit on cue.

09/11/2008 01:55:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

#12 is the future of television!

09/11/2008 01:49:00 PM

Baldseal

#11 and #7 are the best...

09/11/2008 01:31:00 PM

robotkiller

Laserschlog, Peter Griffin did not speak those words so that they may be used against humor. for shame.

09/11/2008 01:03:00 PM

Firecrotch

That was shit

09/11/2008 12:46:00 PM

beer

Heck yeah man, Anything with Whores in it wors for me! the more whores the merrier! Jiff www.privacy.cz.tc

09/11/2008 12:45:00 PM

JimmyCrackHead

Word, WB. They're all lying douchebags and the only real difference between the election and a WWE match is that the audience gets to pretend they have some direct influence in determining who the winner is.

09/11/2008 12:45:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

I find this quite shallow and pedantic, didn't even get a lip movement from me. Cracked this is absolute garbage, this just proves you're a bunch of lazy fucks- and the winner only gets 50 bucks? You fucks must be broker than a thai hooker.

09/11/2008 12:40:00 PM

Laserschlong

Okay, so, am I the only one who is horrified by the thought of naked Maury? What if the "all paternity tests, all the time" format stays in place?! If I had to think of a group of people I least wanted to see naked...yeah, that'd be it. I mean, not that I've ever watched Maury, of course...

09/11/2008 12:38:00 PM

puckyou

Bees Michael?

09/11/2008 12:32:00 PM

Bruce182

also, how much do you wanna bet that at least half the "home improvements from the future" next week are gonna be beer taps on zany and outrageous everyday items! quirky!

09/11/2008 12:03:00 PM

JujuArtemis5

I like #2 the best. Also, I totally want to watch naked Maury, those damn paternity tests are getting old and the show needs some new pizzaz.

09/11/2008 12:01:00 PM

JujuArtemis5

Morgan Freeman FTW

09/11/2008 11:47:00 AM

Nether

I might consider watching Fox News if they debuted "Hannity & Godzilla". But only if, at some point, Godzilla ate Hannity. Otherwise, I still wouldn't.

09/11/2008 11:39:00 AM

StickManJr

5 is the best.

09/11/2008 11:31:00 AM

checkminus

hmmm this was a pretty weak one

09/11/2008 11:30:00 AM

DrDank

#10 wins in my book. But The Mustache Network intrigues me, where can I learn more? Then again, they're all better than #1. I know people complain about the winner every week, but if it's true, it's true.

09/11/2008 11:20:00 AM

JanniR

vote McCain you slack-jawed limp dicks

09/11/2008 10:55:00 AM

j mcfarl3

WackBatman, so you're voting for McCain then?

09/11/2008 10:39:00 AM

stevotheidiot

#4 was the best one

09/11/2008 10:38:00 AM

theHeadCase

13 and 6 13 because they need to change the name of MTV to EBMTV (Everything Besides Music Television) and 6 because i approve of anything that will give me a pint of beer woo!

09/11/2008 10:34:00 AM

RandomHero

My favorite is #4, because after all, where else would you have to really try to survive other than the Bronx

09/11/2008 10:24:00 AM

GiggityGig

@davesigmachi: Yeah they followed that same formula with Space: Above and Beyond. I've never forgiven them for that. Anyway I gotta go with #9. "All your favorite cartoons from your childhood back to back." FUCK YEAH!!!! I'd better call my connect and tell him to double my order...

09/11/2008 10:20:00 AM

Jenna_Tullwortz

#11 and #5 would do it for me. If only there were some way to combine the two. . .

09/11/2008 10:03:00 AM

queenarcoleptia

I agree with jayzon and YEAH #11.

09/11/2008 10:01:00 AM

EcricircE

naked price is right!, I want to watch this

09/11/2008 09:41:00 AM

jarl

#2 should be #1.

09/11/2008 09:22:00 AM

jayzon

#9 fuckin' owned this list! #11 and #5 where pretty damn dead on as well :)

09/11/2008 09:02:00 AM

Darkhaven

The only one that would convince me to watch TV again is #5. I don't drink alcohol and I can get my porn online. Fuck the rest.

09/11/2008 09:02:00 AM

gladeplugins

TBH "Whores" should have won, also someone taking ur loved ones idea is awesome too hehe

09/11/2008 08:44:00 AM

Blooper

You know even it became Hannity and Godzilla, I bet Hannity would still win all the arguments.

09/11/2008 08:39:00 AM

TheAntiAssClown

Because Fox knows the best way to appeal to their black viewers is showing Arnold fighting an alien with dreadlocks.

09/11/2008 08:38:00 AM

prime_pm

Who the hell wastes perfectly good peyote watching game shows?

09/11/2008 08:25:00 AM

BearMan

#11, there probably would have been a season 4 if Fox had 1) aired episodes on the same day and time on consecutive weeks rather than going weeks at a time with no new episodes, 2) advertised at all in the third season instead of pumping money into "The War at Home" (a show perhaps topped only by Mind of Mencia in terms of gross units of suck), and 3) if they didn't give up and sneak the final several episodes against the Olympics opening ceremony. Way to go Fox!

09/11/2008 08:15:00 AM

davesigmachi

NUMBER 11 FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!! my apologies for the prepubescent ALL CAPS writing style. . .I just really really heart that show. . . I don't seem to be the only one feeling that way. . .why the hell did that show not get it's ratings again?

09/11/2008 07:56:00 AM

ymala1

arrested developement or not, fox has a knack for cancelling everything people actually like or has promise. replacing it with "the hole" what the fuck. japanese games shows aren't even any while on peyote.

09/11/2008 07:36:00 AM

baronzemo

I'm sorry but I still don't understand the obsession with Arrested Development. I've had people try to explain it, and I still don't find it that great. But, to each his own I guess. I have some crazy television preferences too. Oh! and #10 was my favorite, especially the caveman part.

09/11/2008 07:22:00 AM

SilentSyren

I loved #12! Deciding the outcome of 24, pretty kick-ass!

09/11/2008 07:11:00 AM

masta_X

You know, Atomic - the way the Maury show has been going, we're not far off.. though Naked Maury Povich is really just The Jerrry Springer Show.

09/11/2008 06:59:00 AM

albatronix

hell yeah number 11! Boron, you're my hero

09/11/2008 06:57:00 AM

Bananagrabber

God, how I wish 13 and 11 were real. Along with the Naked Maury Povich show.

09/11/2008 06:42:00 AM

AtomicSpike

ah number 11. If only it was true, still they are releasing a film next year i think.

09/11/2008 06:42:00 AM

redman

I would never leave TV if arrested development came back on.

09/11/2008 06:28:00 AM

Betman

Aww, #11. It hurts me to even consider the alternate universe in which that could be a reality. I want it.

09/11/2008 06:28:00 AM

CourtneyB

Thanks, Tiamatty. And thanks submitters, your Photoshop work is awesome. Whether it's a remote that always leads to porn, or an Inappropriate Children's "pop-up" book, your twisted thoughts warm my soul a little each day.

09/11/2008 06:09:00 AM

witmereric

#2 is my fav. Poor gran-gran!

09/11/2008 06:00:00 AM

Edea

I can see why #1 won but #13 is my fave.

09/11/2008 05:49:00 AM

purplestar

#15!#15!#15!#15!#15!#15!!!

09/11/2008 05:46:00 AM

oletheking92

witmer: The satisfaction comes in expressing an opinion. It's more satisfying when people consider what you have to say, but it's still good to say what you think, regardless of being ignored. The Internet is less frustrating than real life when it comes to being ignored, because at least on the Internet, you can't see the people acting as though you don't exist. Besides, there are still listeners in the world. Not many on the Internet, but even there, you find a few now and then, especially on certain sites.

09/11/2008 05:46:00 AM

Tiamatty

They should do #7.

09/11/2008 05:39:00 AM

Jetters

HAHA number 1 kicks ass.... #4, 10, and 13 also were great...

09/11/2008 05:37:00 AM

dennis_d_wurm

FFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

09/11/2008 05:36:00 AM

ClintAllen

Wow, I've never seen only one comment before (granted, by the time I'm done typing, there will probably be hundreds). But it made me wonder about the psychological nature of posting a comment. I was tempted to say something like, "#13 was the best. While not that funny, giving me a rebate for crappy TV (especially the MTV one) would really get me to watch again." Then I realized the futility. #13 is still #13, not #1. No one cares about my opinion, others will disagree and the ones that agree can't affect change. Why speak when speaking accomplishes the same as silence, but takes more energy? Coming up on 100 years ago, the artistic movement Dadaism claimed life is meaningless. We now live in the era of Blah-blah-ism, where speech is meaningless because EVERYONE wants to talk, and NO ONE wants to listen. Where is the psychological satisfaction in saying something that no one listens to? Seriously, anyone have a theory?

09/11/2008 05:35:00 AM

witmereric

Not really, the joke about having an all porn tv remote has been done before.

09/11/2008 05:34:00 AM

skkflip

was this list printed backwards? the funniest were first and then all got progressively less funny and less well made.

09/11/2008 05:32:00 AM

zsasz

joscott's Comcast bill makes me think that the cable company could really offer badges for accomplishments like those rebates. Viewers get badges and rebates, and let the contest begin!

09/11/2008 05:32:00 AM

fragg

I want Whores. I'll download it on my computer and watch it there.

09/11/2008 05:24:00 AM

eu_sunt_acela

Number 1!

09/11/2008 05:06:00 AM

alexbergauer