The Campaigns the Candidates Wish They Could Run

Impressed with 'shop skills on #10. Favorites were #3 and #5. And Dylancholy, maybe if more people voted it would. Alternatively, we could just elect a a communist dictator and... no, wait. Too late. (Please don't kill me :P)

05/01/2009 07:23:00 AM

Salahd

nr.2 and 4 were the best, laughed my ass off XD XD XD

02/21/2009 02:05:00 PM

johnthemac

The last one is hilarious, yet sadly it is true. If there's one thing the '00 election taught us, it's that voting doesn't actually change who wins!

08/19/2008 03:34:00 PM

dylancholy

I have to say that so far the funniest comment was JasonF to the "Rihanna" post LMAO

05/19/2008 12:58:00 PM

Grampaeddie

I met a friend on ------ Blackgirlsconnect.com------, it is a very hot dating community. He told me he was so sad to Chinese Earthquake, many people are hurt and died from it.

05/18/2008 05:32:00 AM

Jeniffer

Holy Crap. Hillary was that freaking hot? She looked like Angelina Jolie before she decided that cheeks were for losers.

05/17/2008 08:26:00 PM

baboo

These are GREAT!

05/17/2008 02:42:00 PM

Jmx70inNJ

Numbers 1, 3, and 9 are the best.

05/17/2008 09:14:00 AM

Kala

I'm with the person below me. Woooo Skeletor!!!!

05/17/2008 09:13:00 AM

Kala

P.S. Skeletor for president!

05/16/2008 12:34:00 PM

petrov32

#10 looks real! lol

05/16/2008 12:33:00 PM

petrov32

#8 should've won - most of the rest are funny, but far as I can tell only #s 8 and 1 connected the humor to actual relevant issues on the campaign, making them funny on multiple levels.

05/16/2008 11:31:00 AM

darkhorse08817

Rihanna that is SO interesting. Tell me more about your offensive dating site! And can you do it in broken english as well, please?

05/16/2008 08:35:00 AM

JasonF

I met a friend on __ Bigblackconnect.com __, it is a very hot dating community. He told me he was so sad to Chinese Earthquake, many people are hurt and died from it.

05/16/2008 06:26:00 AM

Rihanna

Wait....is there an election coming up or something..?

05/16/2008 05:33:00 AM

Nailer

"you know who else is old..." is a great one, superb sense of timing and connections, brilliant, for once i wish 'simple' would win

05/16/2008 02:52:00 AM

mxsone

Shit man, what the hell happened?? The average quality of these just went through the fucking roof. I'd be embarrassed to ever submit one again!

05/16/2008 02:39:00 AM

homage

#10 excellent photoshopping. #2 great punchline :)

05/16/2008 02:12:00 AM

MannyCalavera

Darth Fugly's was the best, and i'll fight anyone who disagrees.

05/15/2008 09:13:00 PM

Scotty Jamoka

These are really good. "Voting is for Losers" is terrific.

05/15/2008 08:33:00 PM

DrFreakazoid

To dcicourelh: You never read the Photoshopped children's books covers. Hilarious, but pretty much like what happened on the 4chan /b/ board.

05/15/2008 07:05:00 PM

Parsat

Wow! No Ron Paul comments? I got one! I'm a Ron Paul supporter, and I've never heard of "longcat". I do like the porno, however.

05/15/2008 06:00:00 PM

sluntitled

Since when does the fact that something is racist automatically make it unfunny?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CWNfJv4xbg I'm sorry but this IS racist and it's funny as fuck!

05/15/2008 04:43:00 PM

Jenna_Tullwortz

Man, Hillary Clinton was a fox in 1968.

05/15/2008 04:30:00 PM

ArekExcelsior

I think this is the first time that #1 was actually the funniest.

05/15/2008 04:07:00 PM

dcicourelh

All of these are great.

05/15/2008 03:46:00 PM

Kilvas

PS---LOVE #10. Now there's a guy who'll throw his own over the side for victory. Brilliant.

05/15/2008 03:13:00 PM

orangemtl

As a foul-smelling vagrant (with wireless Internet access, thanks to another great Federal program!), I am offended by your taunting of His Most Great and Imperial Holiness Saint Barack of Chicago. Great would-be ad. And all too true. Douchebag elitist.

05/15/2008 03:11:00 PM

orangemtl

Number nine wins. You guys suck at spotting jems.

05/15/2008 03:06:00 PM

Sweetlips

none of these involve pie. I like pie.

05/15/2008 02:38:00 PM

tank

Hillary Clinton used to be hot...I'm going to go burn off my penis now.

05/15/2008 02:20:00 PM

laserjesus

I don't think it was ever about being "edgy," Sam. It was about making the easiest joke possible, and then being somehow horrible enough to take that easiest joke, and make it even worse. That's the problem everyone had with you and everyone else who made the first thirty or so entries.

05/15/2008 02:12:00 PM

MadPiper6

Meh.

05/15/2008 02:02:00 PM

Blackrifice

Meh.

05/15/2008 02:01:00 PM

Blackrifice

Sam, they're making fun of you on the Contest discussion board. You gonna take that?

05/15/2008 01:52:00 PM

mr.selfhatred

5,3,2,1 are the best.

05/15/2008 01:48:00 PM

Elementalblazer

That was the best so far. Nice work.

05/15/2008 01:20:00 PM

Peace Frog

I friggin' love the "He's not gonna mow it." We're all laughing at that one pretty hard here today. Just something about it.

05/15/2008 12:40:00 PM

FoodStampDavis

Sam - not for nothin' but the difference between your's and # 11 is that # 11 is -kinda-funny-with-racial-undertones , while your's is just flat out racist. It doesn't appeal to humor (even the kinda warped humor on Cracked apparently has boundaries), but instead is simply a racist dig (blacks are scary/ this guy shouldn't be Prez b/c he's black and blacks are scary). That'd probably be hilarious at a KKK chapter's annual BBQ, but it doesn't work for most folk :D

05/15/2008 11:45:00 AM

darkhorse08817

So I google it and find out just how far off I was. Holy Christ what was I thinking?

05/15/2008 11:03:00 AM

Jenna_Tullwortz

That was Hilary? I assumed it was Jacqueline Kennedy. Shows how much I know.

05/15/2008 11:01:00 AM

Jenna_Tullwortz

I think that a recount for the winner may be in order: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93ti-26Av7o Only question is who this would be a campaign for.

05/15/2008 10:31:00 AM

SAPProductions

damn hilary was hot in 1969. fuck it I dont want to get married I'll just stick to prostitutes untill the day I die.

05/15/2008 09:49:00 AM

Mark

i can't WAIT to Barack out with my cock out!!!!

05/15/2008 09:44:00 AM

cKHAVIKk

boo hoo. What a bunch of babies, does anyone older than 15 submit here?

05/15/2008 09:06:00 AM

Kastle

DARKHORSE: I'm more bitter about the idea that a Cracked shop contest declares Anything to be off-limits. It's always been that any joke, no matter how tasteless or un-PC or offensive, iwas allowed. But not this time. My first entry, http://s148.photobucket.com/albums/s35/A00191343/Cracked/?action=view¤t=homie.jpg , was a race joke but got yanked by the moderators yet no. 11 breaks that rule [and obviously I think mine was funnier.]

05/15/2008 08:58:00 AM

SamLowery

Okay, Jono's #2 NOT winning is heartbreaking. That might be the funniest campaign poster ever, bar none. Nice one.

05/15/2008 08:38:00 AM

DrPayne

Somebody bitter about being prevented from making a racist joke? :D

05/15/2008 08:33:00 AM

darkhorse08817

I can't stop laughing at #8

05/15/2008 08:05:00 AM

EZ Does It

Number 11 is more subtle than that, methinks. Also, 'work' has nothing to do with funny. The idea of the contest is to make funny photoshops, not elaborate ones (though elaborate ones might be funnier, if done right).

05/15/2008 07:44:00 AM

Glenn

OK, I'm kinda pissed. First of all the rule "We already know Obama is black" i.e. no race jokes got one of my entries banned yet number 11 CLEARLY violates it. As usual, half the winners aren't funny. The ties for number 13 are the same fucking joke. But that's still better than number 5, which doesn't even have a joke. Terminator shops haven't been funny since they did it in 'Last Action Hero' [I can't believe I actually have a reference to immediately cite for that]. 6 and 9 are also 100% humor-free Also your first place choice, while funny, was being hailed by the admins in thread [along with number 15], pretty early on. Were we all just competing for the runner-up spots?

05/15/2008 07:29:00 AM

SamLowery

Not trying to sound like a sore loser, but alot of these sort of lacked any real photoshoping. The ideas were kinda funny, but 3, 4, 11, and 12 all contained about 5 seconds of actual chopping. Doesnt seem, I donno, in keeping with the idea of the contest.

05/15/2008 07:03:00 AM

AceJustice

#3 was awesome. it had a touch of family guy humor.

05/15/2008 06:45:00 AM

Gemineye870530

7 was absolutely hilarious.

05/15/2008 06:44:00 AM

CourtneyB

15 is my favourite :). I'm all for killing and i don't understand the "don't vote" thing.

05/15/2008 06:43:00 AM

jcdent

I knew you were going to pick that one from Food Stamp Davis. Hell, you already had it on your opening notes for this contest. So did you not even CONSIDER anything else that was actually funny? No offense to Food Stamp- I think he's brilliant, but how can you not even mention the one that said "Vote for Obama because her husband doesn't even trust her to suck his cock". Come on! That one should have won hands down. Once again you have proved that you wouldn't know comedy if it was fucking you in the ass!

05/15/2008 06:16:00 AM

JayleBayt

Wow... they're actually gonna try another contest next week. I was pretty sure from the forum posts that this one would kill the whole concept.

05/15/2008 05:48:00 AM