In real life, you can't survive a bomb going off in your face and you'll never get a pair of pants to stay on a bear.
We asked you to show us what your favorite children's cartoons would be like if they were subject to the same consequences as those of us. The winner is below, but first the runners up ...
And the winner is ...
Congrats, jofride. You win money.
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Self help is America's favorite literary genre. We want you to show us how bad literary advice can possibly be. Post your entries in the forum. The winner gets $50.
Check out last week's contest, in which we took a look at what some modern gadgets would look like If Every Thing Got an Update as Pointless as the iPad.