I USED to fight crime with the power of dance, bring world peace and understanding through the power of beer, teach wide-eyed young college girls the wonders of womanhood using my Adonis like physique, and save school buses full of babies and kittens with the power of my mind alone.

But then I discovered Cracked.com on the internet and haven't been out of my mom's basement since. Except to visit your mom's bedroom.

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