schwartzcaster

schwartzcaster's Cracked photo
  • Real Name: Eric Schwartz
  • Location: Dekalb, IL
  • Member Since: January 15th, 2008
  • Last Seen: January 22nd, 2008 2:34 pm
  • Personal tag line: You call is sashimi - I call it lazy
  • Message board posts: 0

About schwartzcaster

WONDER whether I'll ever "make my move"!
EXPERIENCE my fumbling attempts to remove your dainty under-things!
LISTEN to my heart beat uncontrollably at your merest touch!
RECOIL in horror at my at my shocked delight!
CATCH the elusive scent of my fear!
WITNESS my clumsy stabs at being sexy!
GAG on my slobbery tongue-thrusts!
FORGET that it ever happened!

Are you nostalgic for your youth?  Yearn to recapture the elusive feelings of those first tentative, tender relationships?  Then look no further.  I'm Herb Michniewicz, and I've never felt the touch of a woman.  Well, a woman outside my immediate family--and I mean that in a totally non-sexual way. You can be the woman to initiate me into the ways of sexual love. 

Hope springs eternal in Peoria! I promise to pick you up, wherever you may live, in my Kia Sephia and whisk you away for an evening of long pauses in conversation and forced laughter. Afterward I we can feign interest in each other's stories as we wait for just the right moment. Then I will lurch at you like an epileptic, slamming my moist quivering lips into your cold, unresponsive ones!! After a wave of pity washes over you...we'll make sweet, sweet love!!

Be gentle. I do practice most days out of the week but I lack "real world" experience. BE MY HANDS-ON TRAINER!!I am guaranteed to be disease free, apart from some random patches of eczema and a gastric condition. I've lived on my own for over 3 AND A HALF YEARS and I keep my "garden level" apartment spic-and-span.

My mother can contact you to reassure you of my background . Other references and financial information available upon request.  Afterward you can feel free to ignore me and never return my calls. I can go on with the knowledge that somewhere, somehow Herb Michniewicz got some ass!!!

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY!!!!

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