I'm a motherless 6 year old boy who lives in the idealized small, sleepy, southern community of Mayberry, North Carolina with my widowed father (he didn't kill her for sassing, I swear), Andy Taylor, the sheriff of Mayberry County, who molests me daily. My Aunt Bee likes to watch. One of these days, I'm going to put on my Mother's wedding dress, kill my family, and run off with my true love, Deputy Barney Fife.
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