My name is Lord Geoffrey Gothel. I enjoy shooting, dinner parties, the opera, pince-nez, illicit gay sex with my French valet Jean-Claude, opium, and lounging around my vast estate wearing a fez.

I'm married to a fat ugly woman who's the Duchess of something or other. We only see each other at parties.

I spend most of my time at the club, where I argue about aesthetics with men wearing silly clothes.

Once I went to Africa accompanied by a bunch of racist caricatures who all called me bwana for some reason. We killed some rhinos and donated them to the British Museum.

My fondest dream is to die of tuberculosis.

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