Born and raised in the Bronx, My family history is sadder than it is happy. My mom died at child birth. And so did my dad. And so did my brother. I don't know what the fuck happened. Fending for myself was hard, seeing as I was only half born at child birth. I lived off banana peels and shame. I eventually broke free of my mother at the tender age of 416 weeks. I realized my one true ambition right then and there- I was going to be the next Batman. After my blanket cape failed miserably during a test run, I suffered a broken pelvis, rib, skull, and anus. Not being able to afford surgery, I had to work as a prostetute. My first costomer was Chevey Chase. My last costomer was Chevey Chase, although there were countless penises in the middle (And in the back and the front). After finding the meaning of rectal sore, I fought my way to the top of the hobo ranks, winning respect by biting the arm off of my only competition: Jackie Chan. The fight was long and hard, like a penis, like a penis. Although he was a fierce fighter, his tolerance to a chloroform rag was terrible. Now I knew that this wasn't the end of my life, no, only the beggining, so I set of to Russia, to become the greatest cock fighter on Earth. I misinterpreted the name cock fighter immensley, but I kept a feather momento of my first win, and my only cock fight (with a chicken). So I traversed to England, hoping to find the true meaning of love. Yet I never knew that love meant bungee jumping, so I has in a shock when my back was soaked with diarehhia, and my spotter dead from laughter. I managed to cut the chord, and fall 200 feet below. After finding my neck broken in 9 different places, and 8 in the same place, I was paralized from the face up. With my paralization came emotional trauma, as I was shocked when I hit the ground, and so my eyebrows make me look like Michael Keaton. So I recovered, and now I sleep in a duffle bag, being the so called "Duffle-bag boy", typeing messages to my fellow imaginary friend with my new iPhone. So that is the story of my birth, my adventures, my life.
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