Hey everybody,

So I think I'm going to forgo a quick introduction and do something a bit more personal, a turn-down-the-lights sort of thing, if you will. And I hope that you will. Picture the forum as a musky bar, filled with the smell of high hopes, broken dreams, and Manwich farts.

Hey there,
Hey, yeah, you. You look new, have we met before? No? Never been here before, you say? Well, let me just tell you that while I only go out every once in a while, they know me here. I'm what you might call 'beloved' by the regulars. Take that gent over there, for instance: we've always called him Vaggitarius, because he was born in early December. Also, with a vagina. Allow me to show you working of the ropes?
Most people here are open books, books filled with stories they're eagerly waiting to tell. Take my other good friend here, Norm! He's as welcoming as Father Christmas' lap. (Fuck you, who are you?) Aw Norm, you don't have to play around with ole Kev! (I told you last time you were here: if I see you again, I floss my toes with your balls!) Oh that Norm. He likes to get into the old "devil's dandruff" every now and again, if you know what I mean. What's that? Oh, it's cocaine. He's really addicted to cocaine.

There are a few people here that are loner types, like myself, washed in a warm blanket of mystery with a dryer sheet of desire, folded into a square of...stuff... riddles you must unwind by peeling back the crisp layers of time. Much as an onion has layers of smelliness. What's that? From Shrek? Oh no, I haven't heard of it! Heh, how strange that I would tell a joke much like the one they used there in their, a movie was it? Right! A movie! How delightfully puzzling! What was it called again? 'Shrek,' eh? Well I'll definitely have to look into it, then. Moving on, though!

Yes, I myself am not one for the group scenes. The roses, the merriment... all well and good for a time, but one must move on, a man must have his own space to think about things, to ponder the ever deepening chasm of the human condition! So would you like to come back to Kev's place, let him ponder your chasms a bit?
(Slap)
(Cry)
(Gone)
(Wiping away fresh tears) Ah, sweet mysteries of life! What other lessons have you to teach?

• Home
• Friends