Oh my, where do I begin? I had a typical childhood like any wild boar would have had, but I digress. I fuck like an Intergalactic Jesus Christ from outter-space. Your mom is my posse. For fun I snort crystal meth while riding a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I take shit from no one, but deep down I want to be held, and I want to cry and I do. Often times, I cry after a night of vagina-plundering, but not because I'm sensitive. I cry man-tears for the many vaginas my mutated seed will savagely destroy during labor that I shall never know about; Man-tears full of mantastic mantrition. I bottle that shit and sell it on the Black Market, but the Latino Market gives me a subsidy (Read: breast milk) so they get preference. I invented a device to scratch your taint in a gentlemanly fashion. For reasons I'm not at liberty to say here due to pending legal prosecution, I had to re-imagine it as the so-called "back-scratcher." But that's bullshit, son! Let's be honest, does it truly alleviate those areas of your back best left to Asian Prostitu-I mean, massage therapists? Try it on your taint. Go on, try it! What, are you chicken-shit? Come at me, bro!
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