I could go on and on and on about how I much better I am than everyone else, but I thought about it and decided that it would be best if I explained my superiority. Not only am I the first person to land on every moon, I am also the only one who knows how to and has succeeded in reversing the gravitational pull of an entire planet, as well as a twelve-time World Muay-Thai-Blimp-Pilot champion. I am the first, only, and permanent president of the People's Republic of Vectoria, and commander of the worlds largest organized crime syndicate. I also have the unique ability to reverse zombie-ism with my own bodily fluids. On top of all of this, I am very good at making quesadillas.

Now you might be wondering, what is such an achieved person doing on Cracked.com? Why is she not, say, achieving more things? With all of her responsibilities, how does she have the time to make use of any website, let alone a comedy website? When does this immortal beast-slayer, born of the legendary Rat King and his mistress Titania, queen of the fairies, in the Dark Abyss of China, Emperor Dr. Dr. Dr. Katya Baxaronn Hussein Steinhauser, Esq., have the time for escapism and/or entertainment? And you will continue to wonder, for there is no explanation. Peasantry such as yourself is not privy to such information. Go back to your farming.

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