Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for honoring us with your presence.

Our guest tonight NEEDS no introduction but I have to do SOMETHING for my honorarium, so here goes...

He is a Man among men; a paragon of strength, justice and virtue. He has saved Metropoli...er, Gotham....wait...Crackedville on numerous occasions with his daring and totally lawful adventures and has always answered our fair city's pleas for help.

He has chosen to hide his true identity behind those awesome FloorSpecs for a reason - no one can accept an ugly superhero. BUT NO MATTER! His strengths far outweigh his few faults (like the time he and WaxGirl joined forces to defeat the evil Doctor Stripper - remember how that warped genius tried to remove Waxie from FloorMan? Utter chaos!).

He holds the only 56th Degree Black Leather belt in Bondo, the ancient Mesopotamian art of dominating your opponents through superior hygiene, and is an acknowledged Master of 75 other martial arts. His recorded IQ is 373, he stands a towering 7'2" and weighs in at 342 pounds. His ham-sized fists, so utterly destructive to evil-doers, are equally capable of tenderly caressing a Stradivarius (or WaxGirl), his tree-trunk thighs have been named "The 8th and 9th Wonders of the World" and his favorite color is black with rust spots.

Please join me in welcoming our most distinguished guest to date...

FLOORMAN!!!

*thunderous applause; roses and panties thrown on stage; general pandemonium ensues*

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