Luke Pola lives in beautiful downtown Portland, Maine. Before registering for an account with Cracked.com, he has been a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, an Olympic synchronized diver, a stopwatch, a very popular flavor of ice cream, a movie producer, a bridesmaid (but never a bride), a step ahead, two steps behind, three sheets to the wind, Kevin Costner's stunt double, a warrior-poet, a commercial jingle, an experimental film, a placebo, a wikipedia entry, a cliche, a tinpot dictator, a novelist, marked for death, a kung-fu master, a James Bond movie villain, a sexpot, a radar detector, a toxic avenger, a cartoon character, an astronaut, a star-child, a stranger in a strange land, a cult leader, a constitutional amendment, a filibuster, a malapropism, a spoonerism, a fart smeller, a martyr, a wrestler, a pizza slicer, a cloth napkin, frozen in carbonite, a pundit, a lesser Roman god, a blues musician, a robot, an unidentified flying object, and every which way but loose.

He is currently referring to himself in the third person.

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