I've got two goldfish called Spit and Swallow and two dogs called Moist and Spasm.
I once slapped a tramp so hard my HOPE bracelet came off in a fit of irony. My wrist glowered openly at me, communicating that I could put that bracelet back on again but my actions would never reflect the sentiment it represents. I decided to leave the bracelet with the tramp, as penance for my conduct. I traded it for his dog (later to become Moist) and a nifty zippo he had. Some would say that this was theft seeing as the tramp was unconscious by this point, I direct them to acknowledge the bracelet I left behind. To these people that's practically legal tender and if any of you conscience-tortured, nambypambyccino-drinking, bleeding-heart, over-hyphenated, shit-the-bed, liberal baby-whiners want to contest this I ask you if you yourself are a tramp. If not then shut your noise-hole and if you are; how did you get an internet connection?

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