doubbleu

doubbleu's Cracked photo
  • Real Name: Zach Shade
  • Location: I haven't provided my location. Sorry!
  • Member Since: October 18th, 2009
  • Last Seen: May 8th, 2012 1:45 pm
  • Personal tag line: 'Cause that's how then I was.
  • Message board posts: 8

About doubbleu

I was born on a small farm in Texas. I grew up without a mother or siblings, only a father and a dog named Ace. When I was 17 my father told me that he was not my real father but that he was a friend of my biological parents. He told me they were killed by a man named Ryan McBride. Apperantly my father was trying to get the government to step in and clean up the gangs in the area and was succeding. McBride was the man they sent to silence him, and my mother was killed as well. So obviously I was going to kill this asshole. In Neyland, the nearby town, I bought a gun. I talked to some of the men at the sawmill. I discovered that McBride had moved up in the ranks and was now the head of his own gang and they were the biggest in the county and had run most other gangs out their territory. One of the workers told me that McBride's gang had been dealing with some real weird people lately and that they were most likely responsable for a few women disappearing recently. This is where the story becomes... odd. I found McBride. He was standing in a pentagram made of still bloody human bones with sevral hooded figures chanting and masturbating while he swallowed what I can, after consulting an anatomy book, accurately say was a fucking spinal cord. I left, and started taking a fuck-ton of drugs. You name it, I did it: Alcohol, Tobacco, opiates, mushrooms, some sort of cactus, weed, soy sauce, butt hash, Euphoria, and that's what I remember. I got clean about 12 years ago and about a month after the drugs left my sistem I had an epiphany. That bat-shit crazy ritual must have affected me somehow because it happened OVER 100 YEARS AGO. So now in the most highlanderesque fasion possible I must hunt down McBride who I am assuming is also immortal and murder the shit out of him. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

I also enjoy reading and playing guitar

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