I'm Danny Hawley,
I was hatched from an egg on a hot july night in birmingham alabama.
I was found and raised by two travelling carnies named steve and debra hawley who raised me to believe I was a raccoon until age 7 when I finally caught a glipse of my reflection in a stagnant pool of water in the basement they were keeping me in
no one knows how I got to this planet
some say I was sent by satan to impregnate "the whore of babylon" with the antichrist to bring about the end of days,
others speculate I am a biological weapon created by aliens that will mutate into a global virus on my 21st birthday and destroy humanity.
but most consider me a developmentally challenged 19 year old with an overactive imagination who reads at an 8th grade level, and still refers to blankets as "binkies"

when I'm not busy writing autobiographical articles I spend my time looting, stealing the stickers off of fruit at the grocery store, competeing in jousting contests at renassaince fairs, and plotting my vengeance against an uncaring world that cast me aside as a freak to be scorned by adults and feared by children.
P.S. I've got a girlfriend too
and she's pretty hot
so suck on that everyone in highschool who let me hang around with their girlfriends because they viewed me as being possibly gay, therefore I wasn't a threat.

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