I ejaculate when i hear the "Miami Vice" theme tune. I invented what i call "the beef pram" for kids. I glued some ants to my forehead. I opened a pre-school for baby bees. I execute saxophonists on sight. I discovered a cure for googly eyes. I wrote the word "slapper" on the back of a bus going to France. I designed the widely used remote shoelace identification robot. I stole Mickey Mouse's cartoon money and spent it on cartoon drugs and cartoon prostitutes. A gang of spiders pulled my legs off and flushed me down the toilet. I had sex with a girl made out of solid brass and we had a baby made out of iron.. I have a lego handlebar moustache. I am head of operations at "missing cat poo alert". When i cry, i cry tears of hot chicken gravy. I directed cake related vampire movie "Count Cakeula". I enjoy tickling the elderly until they fart. I'm an artificial inseminator of ducks. I'm a ninja fashion assassin for Benetton clothing. I'm a coconut concealment detective employed by Nasa. When my dog barks he sounds like a slowly deflating balloon. I have a camera which takes chocolate photographs. I'm a male model for a beef jerky manufacturer. I'm creator of Kojak flavoured ice cream. I grew up on a carousel in a childrens playground. I fall down stairs in slow motion once a day. I dressed up as an angry swan and pecked David Bowie to death. I enjoy learning non existent languages and then arguing with bus drivers. George Lucas has nothing to fear from me. I persuade nurses to do handstands. I invent savoury fizzy drinks for the fun police. I'm the international number one impersonator of Shabadoo from "Breakdance The Movie". I've been discovering new planets for the Irish. I'm inventor of the uzi 9mm stairlift for old gangstas. I collect peanuts for the monkey salvation army. I unlocked the DNA secrets of really big baseball caps worn sideways. I wash my hair with a delicious spicy curry. I like lowering world war one heroes into hot custard. I replace peoples fingers with breadsticks whilst they sunbathe. I wear hollowed out cats instead of shoes. I slam doors to the tune of "Singing In The Rain". I'm a high speed cheese photograper. I relax by wearing huge foam hands in a sauna full of squirrels. My best friend is a ant called Monsieur Pepe L'ant...
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