Instructions: Make sure I have a hot basking spot (110-115 degrees) at one end of the cage, and a slightly cooler area at the other. Feed me an appropriately sized pig once a week. In my natural habitat, I am an apex predator, so you'll usually find my feeding response to be very aggressive. I like to defecate in my water bowl, and it's not getting any cleaner...yeah, I'm talking to you, mammal. In conclusion, leaving me alone with small children is an excellent decision that you will never come to regret.

Favorite Things: You ever heard that song from "Sound of Music"? They talk about thinking about your favorite things "when the dog bites...when the bee stings". But what if the person in question was this flower-child masochist who loved suffering at the hands (or paws) of animals? It makes you think...

Pet Peeve: When people use the word "pet peeve". Like, how meta is THAT?

Fun Fact: I just realized that tag isn't a team sport, so my "tag line" joke makes no fucking sense.

• Home
• Friends