Hello, fellow Cracked member! Welcome to my profile page, where I pretend to be happy to see you by punctuating my greeting with an exclamation point!

Don't let that exclamation point fool you, though; I actually hate you quite fervently, and nothing would bring me greater joy than watching you leave with only the thought that you'll never return to keep me company.

If instead of leaving you've thought to yourself, "Hey, this guy seems like a nice, upstanding fellow. I think I'll ask him if he'd like to be my friend!", then you should know that while I do thank you for providing me with the opportunity to reject your invite, an act that brings me great pleasure, I really don't have the time to be pushing "reject" buttons and the like; I have better things to do, like making and torturing voodoo dolls that look eerily like yourself while I imagine how great it would be to live in a world without you in it.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by; I'd love to say that it was nice meeting you, but it was actually quite dreadful. One of the links above or below will show you the way out; please use them, and quickly. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll be gone... which is all I really want.

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