Seeing as my pizza has just arrived and life has yet to grant me stories of rooseveltian proportions, I refer you to this, the oldest known reference to beer:

Enkidu ate the food until he was sated; he drank the beer-seven jugs! - and became expansive and sang with joy!´ He was elated and his face glowed. He splashed his shaggy body with water, and rubbed himself with oil, and turned into a human. He put on some clothing and became like a warrior (!).
He took up his weapon and chased lions so that the shepherds could eat. He routed the wolves, and chased the lions.

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