I don't shit my pants too often, but when I do I like how it feels...all warm and squishy; mayonnaise is OK, but I'm more of a Miracle Whip kinda guy because it sounds so much more miraculous; I collect mashed potato sculptures, but only the ones that look like uneaten piles of mashed potatoes; I like farts, ok? There, I admit it. I like the way they smell, sound and feel, but only my own, everybody else's farts are disgusting and they should be put to death for subjecting me to them; Speaking of farts, never feed an owl bologna...there's nothing worse than an owl with bologna farts; I believe that people who use the phrase "That's what I'm talkin' about" should catch cancer and die; Gay people don't scare me, but right wing, neo-fascist christians sure the fuck do; I am aware of what hot dogs are made of and I can honestly say I still enjoy them...go figure
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