SergeantLuke was born in the back of a 1912 Ford Taurus, to Lieutenant Joseph Goodvibe and his gay lover Dave Godam.

He spent the first ten years of his life in maximum-security prison for the high crime of calling the British Prime Minister a whore. Upon his release, he jumped up and down, walked around for a bit, became disoriented and lost, panhandled for a few days, and eventually tried to go back into prison, but was denied access. After he commited a good 37 confirmed murders and 20 rumored ones (5 of which involved cannibalism and another 3 of which involved burglary), he was captured and taken to an insane asylum. He escaped by going on a violent rampage using only cafeteria food, while yelling that "this wasn't what [he] ordered".

SergeantLuke was next seen in Tahiti, migrating with the local wildebeests. The kindly farmer who tried to kill zombie Hitler a few weeks prior discovered the 69-year-old boy living in a gazelle carcass, and took him in. SergeantLuke lived with the farmer for approximately 1.2 hours before breaking every bone in his body and calling him an "wild-ass dweedert". He stole the farmer's computer, salt-and-pepper shakers, and picture frames, and took a plaster cast of the farmer's penis before teleporting to Rome. He plugged his new computer's power chord into some ancient ruin they had lying around, and discovered Cracked.com. He kidnapped a five-year-old girl and forced her to write his "about me" column, most of which she found impossible to make out in between his massive sobs. If any of you are readinOBHIOHBpipPAS[OIJNT3-O239HUIY/78HBWYQE8UYJN
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