I'm a self described slam-dunk poet, which is like a slam poet (those guys who don't actually write poems but just talk with alternated tones and pitches like a schizophrenic Will Shatner), but instead of laying down some rhymes I break the shit out of things and then scream at people. I have a lot of things going on but no spare time to do them, so I have absolutely nothing going on. I'm the leader of a dinosaur street gang called the T-Wrecks, my posse consisting of Ritchie Nose the Triceratops, Fin Fang Foom the Leopluridon, Jazz the Utahraptor, and Charlie the Arhaeopteryx, who really shouldn't have been allowed in the gang but he has mad street cred so we looked over his non-dinosaur origin. I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I fight for love, and have no time to let things like affection get in the way of my battles, so I'm most definitely a fighter, not a lover. My current career is custodian, because I clean the streets of crime, and litter. I was once going to be cast in an Indiana Jones movie as his Oriental sidekick, Tall Rectangular, but I was fired over budget cuts and replaced with a more economical counterpart, so I never got to make my cinematic debut. I've written a few books about my life, but I keep using my time machine to go back and fix my mistakes, so when I get back to the present the books have ceased to exist. My performance in bed was the inspiration for John Lydon to name his band The Sex Pistols, not because I was really good or anything, it was because I sort of accidentally shot my partner. But then I went back in time with my aforementioned time machine and fixed that, so The Sex Pistols don't actually exist anymore, and neither do any of the mentions of The ___ _______. I've now spent over ten minutes writing things for this About Me section, and there aren't any signs that I'll be stopping any time soon.
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