MichaelSwaim

MichaelSwaim's Cracked photo
  • Real Name: MichaelSwaim
  • Location: San Diego, California
  • Member Since: October 12th, 2007
  • Last Seen: September 16th, 2014 3:10 pm
  • Personal tag line: I AM creative enough to have written a personal tag line, but choose not to for religious reasons.
  • Message board posts: 639

About MichaelSwaim

I write here sometimes. Also make videos. I also do that one (the videos one) at my own site, Those Aren't Muskets! (www.thosearentmuskets.com). I also do a lot of other stuff, but it's not as directly applicable to the Internet, and I feel like that's what you're probably most interested in. I often shave.

Articles

8 Kids Movies That Lied to Us

| 1,325,468 views

The 7 Least-Faithful Comic Book Movies

| 840,409 views

The 8 Funniest Webcomics

| 898,617 views

Columns

An Open Letter To Michael Cera

| 60,247 views

I Will Soon Be Judging American Idol

| 21,621 views

2012 ... The Realistic Edition

| 48,864 views

Extinction Is Only For Ugly Animals

| 59,722 views

Every Episode of 'House' Ever

| 181,249 views

The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming

| 210,936 views

Class War! A Handy Guide

| 16,686 views

8 Animals With Real Superpowers

| 460,122 views

Pull It Together, Guillermo

| 11,726 views

Unprotected Sex And The City

| 11,675 views

Pirates XXX II: Pirates LX?

| 46,063 views

Help Me Ruin Dilbert!

| 9,877 views

Your Kindle is a Filthy Liar

| 7,591 views

And Once Again, I Lose To Oprah

| 4,567 views

I HAVE No Change Jar!

| 20,528 views

New GPS Voice Skins! A Video Review

| 7,222 views

Jesus is More Photogenic, Anyway

| 9,658 views

Apple's Got Your Back, Fatass

| 4,321 views

Playing God Never Looked So Good

| 5,904 views

Bill Nye, The Restraining Order Guy

| 10,369 views

Call Me When You've Got HoloSlaloms

| 2,155 views

Worst Case Scenario: T-Rex Edition

| 12,221 views

To Protect, Serve, and Beg for Dick

| 9,305 views

They Grow Up So Fast.

| 323,171 views

Scaaaaaaaaab!

| 4,650 views

Gaming News Extravaganza!

| 2,976 views

DON'T. TAKE. METH.

| 16,614 views

Turks Will Fuck You Up

| 6,744 views

I'm Typing This From Inside a Fire

| 2,714 views

Gun vs. Fist: The Debate Continues

| 5,006 views

Rock Band Release Date Moved Up

| 2,300 views

Videos

The 6 Weirdest Fan Tributes to Mario Bros.

| 1,121,316 views

The 7 Creepiest Simpsons Fan Tributes

| 644,896 views

Agents of Cracked: Swaim Gets Fired

| 269,542 views

The End

| 418,057 views

Which Apocalypse Would Be the Most Fun?

| 1,897,988 views

Bruce Willis: Space Whore

| 286,005 views

Star Wars Is Terrifying for Women

| 1,922,898 views

The 8 Saddest Real World Superheroes

| 622,920 views

Why Mario is Secretly a Douchebag

| 1,445,894 views

'Game of Thrones': The Board Game

| 793,906 views

The Invention of Homelessness

| 273,482 views

If Condom Commercials Were Honest

| 246,685 views

Why Indiana Jones Secretly Sucks at His Job

| 1,020,543 views

The Only 8 Types of TV Shows That Get Made

| 1,083,769 views

Why Apple Clearly Thinks You're Stupid

| 409,792 views

If Famous Websites Were People

| 466,027 views

The 4 Best Movie Universes To Die In

| 651,881 views

The Worst Time to Get Naked

| 208,764 views

When Body Switching Movies Collide

| 86,230 views

The Steve Buscemi Method of Acting

| 163,311 views

Why You Shouldn't Get High Before Work

| 135,241 views

Who F#@ked This Pumpkin?

| 116,326 views

Adventures in Jedi School: Outtakes

| 66,403 views

The 3-Minute Prisoner's Dilemma

| 66,016 views

6 Reasons 'Titanfall' Makes No Sense

| 123,167 views

Account Tools

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