MichaelSwaim

MichaelSwaim's Cracked photo
  • Real Name: MichaelSwaim
  • Location: San Diego, California
  • Member Since: October 12th, 2007
  • Last Seen: May 24th, 2012 11:35 am
  • Personal tag line: I AM creative enough to have written a personal tag line, but choose not to for religious reasons.
  • Message board posts: 413

About MichaelSwaim

I write here sometimes. Also make videos. I also do that one (the videos one) at my own site, Those Aren't Muskets! (www.thosearentmuskets.com). I also do a lot of other stuff, but it's not as directly applicable to the Internet, and I feel like that's what you're probably most interested in. I often shave.

Articles

  1. Agents of Cracked Series Finale: Live Chat!
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim | | 16,693 views
  2. Live Chat With Dan & Michael 2
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim | | 16,871 views
  3. Live Chat with Dan & Michael - Archive
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim | | 33,184 views
  4. Agents of Cracked: A Daring Tale of Sex, Idiocy and Revenge
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim | | 123,231 views
  5. 6 Characters Who Show Up in Every Zombie Movie
    By: Michael Swaim | | 780,832 views
  6. Where Are They Now? The 5 Strangest Post-'Star Wars' Careers
    By: Michael Swaim | | 933,708 views
  7. 10 Words and Phrases You Won't Believe Shakespeare Invented
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,031,317 views
  8. 8 Kids Movies That Lied to Us
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,201,528 views
  9. The 7 Least-Faithful Comic Book Movies
    By: Michael Swaim | | 673,411 views
  10. The 8 Most Terrifying Anti-Meth Ads: From the Blog
    By: Michael Swaim | | 183,488 views
  11. The 11 Most Unintentionally Poignant Drunk Celebrity Videos
    By: Michael Swaim | | 555,425 views
  12. Where Aren t They Now?: 5 Post-Star Wars Careers Almost as Pathetic as Mark Hamill's
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,854,572 views
  13. The 8 Worst Places to Steal a Movie Idea
    By: Michael Swaim | | 274,447 views
  14. The 7 Most Gruesome Rock 'N' Roll Legends (And Whether They're True)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 480,527 views
  15. The 8 Funniest Webcomics
    By: Michael Swaim | | 743,487 views
  16. The 8 Most Common Sci-Fi Visions of the Future (And Why They'll Never Happen)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,115,589 views
  17. 6 Video Game Gimmicks That Went Away Too Soon (And 6 More That Need to Die)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 950,257 views
  18. The 10 Most Memorable Movie Cameos by Non-Actors
    By: Michael Swaim | | 334,069 views
  19. The 9 Most Typecast Actors of All Time
    By: Michael Swaim | | 865,769 views
  20. We Describe Pornography (While You Masturbate)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 92,653 views
  21. Reminder: 11 Movies Saved by Historical Inaccuracy
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,365,530 views
  22. 12 Great Video Games With Ridiculous Premises
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,974,580 views
  23. 5 Signs That You're a Villain in a Hollywood Action Movie
    By: Michael Swaim | | 233,004 views
  24. The 7 Most X-Treme Products of All Time
    By: Michael Swaim | | 459,294 views
  25. Idol Showdown: What To Worship This Easter
    By: Michael Swaim | | 18,936 views
  26. What to Expect From Sex (as Dictated by Internet Porn)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 311,649 views
  27. So You Knocked Her Up: A Child-rearing Guide
    By: Michael Swaim | | 108,831 views

Columns

  1. 5 Reasons Women Will Rule the Future
    By: Michael Swaim | | 657,432 views
  2. My Brief Time Undercover As Dan O'Brien (Among Others)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 380,890 views
  3. Most Horrifying Writers Room Ever
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston | | 301,877 views
  4. Script Contest Winner! Thanks For Doing Our Job (Suckers)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 57,231 views
  5. A Guide to Your Local Mall (Post Marijuana Legalization)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 265,677 views
  6. How I Spent My Summer Vacation, By Michael Swaim (Age 24)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 225,150 views
  7. The Funniest Comedic Failure in the History of YouTube
    By: Michael Swaim | | 456,113 views
  8. Hollywood Gives Up: Keanu Reeves to Play Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde
    By: Michael Swaim | | 244,737 views
  9. The Six Flags Mascot: Like Being Kicked in the Eyes By AIDS
    By: Michael Swaim | | 333,881 views
  10. The 5 Most Likely Ways Humans Will Become Obsolete
    By: Michael Swaim | | 721,444 views
  11. 12 Abu Ghraib Torture Photos (Made Fun!)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 301,391 views
  12. 10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,035,538 views
  13. What They Really Meant: The Billy Bob Thornton Tantrum
    By: Michael Swaim | | 230,624 views
  14. Brown Fat: How Evolution Is Saving Us From Our Own Fat Asses
    By: Michael Swaim | | 245,682 views
  15. 6 Reasons Shakespeare Would've Written For Cracked.com
    By: Michael Swaim | | 198,517 views
  16. A Journey to Hell: My 'Earth Hour' Without Electricity
    By: Michael Swaim | | 141,548 views
  17. The New iPod Shuffle Will Make Your Penis Look Huge
    By: Michael Swaim | | 159,552 views
  18. 12 Video Game Characters With Undiagnosed Mental Disorders
    By: Michael Swaim | | 735,130 views
  19. Bearded Insanity: The Phoenix Chronicles
    By: Michael Swaim | | 62,894 views
  20. Chocolate Skittles: Like Being Mouth Raped by Candy
    By: Michael Swaim | | 88,717 views
  21. 7 Dinosaurs You Could Take In A Fight
    By: Michael Swaim | | 183,502 views
  22. The Ultimate Argument For Legalizing Weeeeeeed
    By: Michael Swaim | | 54,384 views
  23. Why I Should Be Conan O'Brien's New Co-Host
    By: Michael Swaim | | 23,635 views
  24. 10 Video Games That Should Be Considered Modern Art
    By: Michael Swaim | | 610,379 views
  25. Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 69,054 views
  26. The Epic Ballad Of Sully And The Devil-Birds
    By: Michael Swaim | | 18,067 views
  27. How To Celebrate Valentine's Day (During A Recession)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 21,766 views
  28. An Open Letter To Michael Cera
    By: Michael Swaim | | 54,326 views
  29. Letterman's 9 Most Hilariously Awkward Moments
    By: Michael Swaim | | 165,842 views
  30. Notes on the First Draft of Will Smith's Obama Biopic
    By: Michael Swaim | | 13,940 views
  31. I Will Soon Be Judging American Idol
    By: Michael Swaim | | 20,806 views
  32. 10 Female 80s Cartoons That Ushered Us Into Manhood
    By: Michael Swaim | | 701,863 views
  33. Announcing The World's First Actual Supervillain
    By: Michael Swaim | | 104,589 views
  34. 2012 ... The Realistic Edition
    By: Michael Swaim | | 47,253 views
  35. The 8 Most Misguided Sci-Fi Versions Of 2008
    By: Michael Swaim | | 135,721 views
  36. The 8 Best Internet Sketch Troupes Whose Initials Aren't TAM
    By: Michael Swaim | | 56,902 views
  37. The First 100 Days ... After: A Primer for George W. Bush
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,639 views
  38. How Can We Be In A Recession If We've Got So Much Money?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 21,734 views
  39. The 10 Most Devastating Insults of All Time
    By: Michael Swaim | | 406,919 views
  40. The Best Quotes from the New Britney Spears Documentary
    By: Michael Swaim | | 40,245 views
  41. Extinction Is Only For Ugly Animals
    By: Michael Swaim | | 55,926 views
  42. Every Episode of 'House' Ever
    By: Michael Swaim | | 155,019 views
  43. If You Wanna Make An Omelette, You Gotta Let Some Kids Get Molested
    By: Michael Swaim | | 17,759 views
  44. CNN Ushers In Era Of Incisive Reportage With New Holograms
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,481 views
  45. The 7 Deadly Sins of Online Gaming
    By: Michael Swaim | | 174,611 views
  46. If McCain's Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,643 views
  47. Class War! A Handy Guide
    By: Michael Swaim | | 15,160 views
  48. The Ultimate Attack Ad: Obama vs. McCain vs. Obama vs....
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,393 views
  49. 6 Celebrity Endorsements Obama Should Have Turned Down
    By: Michael Swaim | | 32,396 views
  50. OJ's 'Acquittal Party' Planner: Worst Job Ever?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,172 views
  51. The 5 Most Clearly Insane Public Figures Endorsing McCain
    By: Michael Swaim | | 39,167 views
  52. Cracked.com Liveblogs the VP Debates LIVE!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,797 views
  53. How to Use the Bailout to Ask Your Parents for Money
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,074 views
  54. The Stages of a Human Life: 408 Years Ago vs. Today
    By: Michael Swaim | | 42,172 views
  55. This Movie Features Jon Voight, James Woods, Gary Coleman and Bill O'Reilly. How Does That Happen?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,461 views
  56. Sarah Palin Pees Standing Up: How To Use Insinuation
    By: Michael Swaim | | 18,828 views
  57. The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World
    By: Michael Swaim | | 630,837 views
  58. An Open Letter To David Duchovny (Incl., Full Resumé)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,944 views
  59. I Want A VP I Can Take To The Fight Club
    By: Michael Swaim | | 15,990 views
  60. 8 Animals With Real Superpowers
    By: Michael Swaim | | 378,090 views
  61. The 8 (Literally) Shittiest Jobs Of All Time
    By: Michael Swaim | | 356,278 views
  62. Announcing The Arrival Of The Gayest Baby Ever
    By: Michael Swaim | | 21,864 views
  63. Orson Scott Card Wants YOU (To Rise Up Against The Gay Menace)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 36,307 views
  64. 5 Scientific Theories That Will Make Your Head Explode
    By: Michael Swaim | | 901,898 views
  65. To Answer Your Question In Advance, Ladies: Yes, I Will Sleep With You
    By: Michael Swaim | | 14,425 views
  66. At Last, I Can Combine Drinking And Overeating In A Way That Doesn't Get Me Arrested
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,787 views
  67. 8 Badass Sci-Fi Predictions That Came True In Lame-Ass Ways
    By: Michael Swaim | | 151,492 views
  68. Pull It Together, Guillermo
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,164 views
  69. Proof Brendan Fraser Is The Happiest Man Alive
    By: Michael Swaim | | 16,533 views
  70. I Cannot Tell A Lie: George Washington Was An Iroquois Freedom Fighter
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,262 views
  71. Los Angeles: Home To Movie Stars, The Wayans Brothers, And Me
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,513 views
  72. Is Wall-E Really About An Aging Gay Robot?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 23,229 views
  73. Hologram Technology By 2010, Laser Swords To Follow
    By: Michael Swaim | | 17,880 views
  74. 7 Words You Can't Say On The Internet (Without Starting A Flame War)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 366,830 views
  75. 1 Reason Not To See The Dark Knight
    By: Michael Swaim | | 38,333 views
  76. Illegal Animal Trafficking is Grrrrrreat!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,088 views
  77. The Best Stan Winston Creations Of All Time
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,264 views
  78. Coming Soon: The Most Unnecessary Comic Book Reboot Ever
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,734 views
  79. Unprotected Sex And The City
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,551 views
  80. They Make Our Crazy Mass Murderers Seem Almost Pleasant
    By: Michael Swaim | | 16,195 views
  81. D & D 4th Edition: Scourge of the Insufferable Prick
    By: Michael Swaim | | 30,885 views
  82. The U.S.S. Enterprise (Is Getting P.U.S.S.Y. Tonight) (feat. MC's Prime Directive and Galaxy Class)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,751 views
  83. Tama The Train Station-Managing Cat Speaks Out On Homeless Japanese People Living In Closets
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,639 views
  84. Why I'm Better Than The Mars Lander
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,173 views
  85. Scientology Wants Miley Cyrus: So Which Should Be Scared?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 24,400 views
  86. Sharon Stone Is A Hateful Witch (And A Video Of Old Men Waving)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,193 views
  87. Nude Woman Steals 40K In Jewelry (You Don't Even Want to Know Where She Hid It)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 16,429 views
  88. Rivers Cuomo's Vlog May Get A Song Written, But At What Cost?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,085 views
  89. Pirates XXX II: Pirates LX?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 40,208 views
  90. Isabella Rossellini Pornography! (Prepare For Disappointment. Unless You Like Crazy Shit, That Is.)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,299 views
  91. "Boober" From Fraggle Rock: Great Character Name, or Best Character Name Ever?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,513 views
  92. The Funky Bunch Have Some Bad News For Mark Wahlberg
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,437 views
  93. Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly Actually Same Person?!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,752 views
  94. The Weather Channel Sex Scandal: Oxymoron No Longer
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,310 views
  95. Florida Threatens To Secede, America Goes Back To Sleep
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,118 views
  96. The 10 Worst Ice Cream Flavors Ever (An Obituary)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 21,038 views
  97. The Ultimate Scientology Video Finally Reveals The Secret To Unlocking Your Thetans
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,825 views
  98. The First Annual Cracked Fat Jokes Festival! Get It While It's Legal!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,382 views
  99. The Hendrix Sex Tape: Ushering In A New Era Of Celebrity Humiliation
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,827 views
  100. Jack Thompson Discovers Greater Gaming-Related Threat Than GTA IV
    By: Michael Swaim | | 14,255 views
  101. Hey, Remember This Movie? I Hope So, Because All The Jokes In This Post Kind Of Depend On It.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,751 views
  102. Is Safety Abroad a Phallusy? Protecting Your Privates from Penis Pirates
    By: Michael Swaim | | 24,617 views
  103. Guitar Hero News You Had No Way of Possibly Predicting
    By: Michael Swaim | | 15,332 views
  104. Help Me Ruin Dilbert!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,009 views
  105. How To Make Your Own Judd Apatow Movie
    By: Michael Swaim | | 20,560 views
  106. The Democratic Debates Are Over (And Colbert Won)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,572 views
  107. I'd Start A Chant About How Much I Hate Wii Fit, But I Can't Think Of Anything Insulting That Rhymes With "Fit"
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,529 views
  108. South African People to Nelson Mandela: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 39,358 views
  109. Dick + Naked Woman = Extremely Misleading Headline (NSFW if You Squint)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 33,508 views
  110. Youtube, The Female Cast of The OC, and a Leather Riding Crop: Together at Last
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,416 views
  111. Not A Video of Teen Girls Beating Their Schoolmate Senseless: The Daily 4PMer (EST)!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,469 views
  112. Scenes from the 2008 Olympic Games, As Reported By The Chinese National Press News Skim
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,192 views
  113. Is There Anything More Despised Than A Lawyer Representing the Record Industry? What About a French One?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,439 views
  114. Mexico Just Got A Whole Lot Awesomer (There's Emo Blood Involved)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,641 views
  115. The Top Nine Rejected American Apparel Billboards Featuring Woody Allen
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,655 views
  116. Pedophilia. But, You Know, the Good Kind.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,631 views
  117. Angelina Jolie Has Diabetes and is Going to Sleep With Me, and Other Proof That God is Dead
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,361 views
  118. Are These Visions of Things As They Will Be, Or Things As They Might Be?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,665 views
  119. In The End, The Slogan "Free Tibet" Barely Won Out Over "OH SHIIIT, I'M ON FIIIRE!"
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,762 views
  120. Dodging Sniper Fire Is The New Not Having Sexual Relations With That Woman
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,669 views
  121. A New Beatles Album You Won't Buy (But I Will)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,862 views
  122. Robin Williams is a Sexual Deviant
    By: Michael Swaim | | 18,362 views
  123. Aging Beatle Ravaged by Gull-Faced Harpy!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,341 views
  124. Eliot Spitzer and Jim McGreevey: Profiles in Dignity
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,557 views
  125. Ashley Dupre to Headline SXSW 2009!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,731 views
  126. Timberlake Speaks Out! But at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony, so Very Few People Hear.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,122 views
  127. Disease is Literally Falling From the Sky
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,434 views
  128. Super Smash Brothers: The DEFINITIVE Review (Do You Enjoy It? Only I Have The Answer!)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,320 views
  129. Your Kindle is a Filthy Liar
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,632 views
  130. Light Some Torches and Pour 40 Oz. of Ale on the Curb
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,603 views
  131. Samuel L. Jackson Releases Video Endorsement of Presidential Candidate!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,774 views
  132. And Once Again, I Lose To Oprah
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,140 views
  133. Pedophilia: Get-Rich-Quick Scheme or Money Pit?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,402 views
  134. "My God, They're Dead. They're All Dead...Well, At Least We Have Billions Of Seeds."
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,451 views
  135. If This Is The Kind Of Sex Gene Simmons Has Had 4,000 Times, I No Longer Envy Him
    By: Michael Swaim | | 42,541 views
  136. A Cracked Exclusive! The Only Post-Oscars Rundown Available on the Internet!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,534 views
  137. Heretofore Unknown and Exclusive Secrets of Lindsay Lohan's Gooch and Funbags
    By: Michael Swaim | | 27,410 views
  138. I HAVE No Change Jar!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 19,956 views
  139. New GPS Voice Skins! A Video Review
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,571 views
  140. Spears is Spifflicated on Giggle Juice? I'm On It, Chief!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,599 views
  141. Look, if You Don't Want to Get Ripped Off, Stop Buying Things
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,656 views
  142. Jesus is More Photogenic, Anyway
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,801 views
  143. What do a Fourth Grader, a Chimp, and a White Supremacist Have in Common?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,522 views
  144. Robotic Mr. Potato Head Will Kill Us All
    By: Michael Swaim | | 12,800 views
  145. Maggie Gyllenhaal NOT In A Lesbian Orgy (But Kind Of! But Mostly Not.)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 35,191 views
  146. "Bees, Michael?" And Other Obnoxious Quotes You'll Be Hearing More Of
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,758 views
  147. Grossly Offensive Unaired Super Bowl Ads (Just TRY To Not Click That Title)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 20,045 views
  148. The 10 Lamest Super Bowl XLII Ads (Part 1)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,957 views
  149. But if You're Heath Ledger's Dad, and HE'S Heath Ledger's Dad, Then...Oh Boy.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,929 views
  150. Zoey 101 Returns to the Air, and Yet Lizzie McGuire Goes Unrenewed. What is the World Coming to?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,335 views
  151. A Rare Video Address From Anonymous to Scientology
    By: Michael Swaim | | 25,307 views
  152. When Anonymous Battles Scientology, We All Win
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,387 views
  153. Meet the Spartans: Something Must be Done.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,224 views
  154. The Man Was in Jungle Fever, for God's Sake
    By: Michael Swaim | | 19,339 views
  155. Cloverfield Was His Life (The Death of a Cracked Blogger)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,263 views
  156. Dinosaurs Do It For 65,000,000 Years.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,308 views
  157. Another PETA Blog Post (But This One Has Naked Ladies)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 65,788 views
  158. The Kucinich Conspiracy (And Other Alt-Rock Band Names)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 46,523 views
  159. Tom Cruise Scientology Interview (UNCUT!)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,698 views
  160. Environmentalists: Just as Full of Bullshit as Everyone Else
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,550 views
  161. In a Bonus Minigame, Astaroth Pilots a B-Wing
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,683 views
  162. Let's Play: Associative News Article Degeneration!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,116 views
  163. SF Zoo Valiantly Fights Back Against Slain Tiger Attack Victim
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,422 views
  164. Trapped! A Harrowing Tale of Survival
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,134 views
  165. Conan, I Will Totally Scab For You. Just Say The Word.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,053 views
  166. The RIAA Are Huge Dicks. This Title Has No Joke In It.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 31,738 views
  167. Apple's Got Your Back, Fatass
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,560 views
  168. A Robot Saves Jesus, and The Week in Wales!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,886 views
  169. Video Blogging: One of the Three Things I Have in Common with Queen Elizabeth II
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,616 views
  170. Let's Play: Who Had the Worst Christmas?!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,475 views
  171. The Week in Whales! (Next Week: The Week in Wales!)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,814 views
  172. Abusing Tina Turner Never Goes Out of Style
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,314 views
  173. What if They Threw an Awards Show and no one Came?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,887 views
  174. The Only Thing I Ever Took 10 Years to Make was my Son Cody, and he was Equally Disappointing
    By: Michael Swaim | | 7,415 views
  175. Google Unveils Knol, Tries to Act Like it Isn't Wikipedia
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,345 views
  176. Playing God Never Looked So Good
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,048 views
  177. Dear God, They Want to Take Away our Pornography (A Manifesto)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,049 views
  178. I Wonder How Many Comments On This Post Will Be "w00t."
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,902 views
  179. Know What's Funny? School Shootings. Right? Am I Right?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,213 views
  180. At What Point Can We Consider Social Darwinism Reversed?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,781 views
  181. Blizzard Knows Their Audience Like the Romans Knew the Sabine Women
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,020 views
  182. Did I Like the Futurama Movie? You Decide!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 16,088 views
  183. Bill Nye, The Restraining Order Guy
    By: Michael Swaim | | 6,605 views
  184. Reasons Hulk Hogan's Wife Filed for Divorce
    By: Michael Swaim | | 10,759 views
  185. Rodney King: Why Beating Him Wasn't Enough
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,656 views
  186. Children's Toy + Date Rape Drug = Extremely Clickable Headline
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,608 views
  187. Come 2010, You Won't be Able to Read This
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,901 views
  188. For God's Sake, Let Him Come Pick Strawberries Already
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,210 views
  189. Call Me When You've Got HoloSlaloms
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,553 views
  190. Worst Case Scenario: T-Rex Edition
    By: Michael Swaim | | 11,324 views
  191. Apparently, All the Interesting Dinosaurs Have Been Discovered
    By: Michael Swaim | | 9,398 views
  192. To Protect, Serve, and Beg for Dick
    By: Michael Swaim | | 8,109 views
  193. Moving Things Around Just Doesn't Pay What it Used To
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,462 views
  194. Where's Conan? And Other Failed Children's Books
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,796 views
  195. Nothing Says "Refreshment" Quite Like an Ice-Cold Bottle of Ham
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,386 views
  196. Paul Giamatti: Santa, or Guy Who Steals Quarters From Laundromat Washers to Buy Cigarettes?
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,247 views
  197. They Grow Up So Fast.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 319,738 views
  198. Scaaaaaaaaab!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,311 views
  199. Oops, I Did it Again... is the Least Clever Title I Could Have Possibly Chosen for this Post
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,560 views
  200. Not the Proudest Day in the Battle for Free Speech
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,108 views
  201. Gaming News Extravaganza!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,698 views
  202. DON'T. TAKE. METH.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 14,311 views
  203. Turks Will Fuck You Up
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,477 views
  204. Kiiiiiiiiiiiid ROCK! Got Arrested Again
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,241 views
  205. Television and Film Industry: I Dislike You and Your Opinions, and etc.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,297 views
  206. I'm Typing This From Inside a Fire
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,714 views
  207. He Wears a Blue Robe to Work. Of Course He's Gay.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 14,163 views
  208. Sam Fisher Drinks Ovaltine, and so Should You
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,711 views
  209. Gun vs. Fist: The Debate Continues
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,180 views
  210. The iPhone is a Relentless Killing Machine, Kind of
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,917 views
  211. I'm Sick of These Damn Ingrate Nobel Laureates
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,674 views
  212. Kiefer Sutherland is the New Paris Hilton
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,625 views
  213. It’s a Sad State of Affairs When Your IMDB Page is Humiliating
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,184 views
  214. Sound and Fury or, The Day Nothing Happened
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,930 views
  215. Radiohead Fails to Resolve Music Theft Issue
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,988 views
  216. Scorsese to Follow Blood-Soaked Gangland Thriller with Biopic of Hippie Peacenick
    By: Michael Swaim | | 2,636 views
  217. An Open Letter to Geico Auto Insurance
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,477 views
  218. Radiohead Effectively Solves Internet Music Theft
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,377 views
  219. Rock Band Release Date Moved Up
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,971 views
  220. American Apparel Ads Make me Want to Defile Things I Shouldn't Want to Defile
    By: Michael Swaim | | 76,506 views
  221. Out-of-Context Celebrity Headline Roundup!
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,344 views
  222. Paris Hilton Banned From Oktoberfest for “Cheapening” Two Week-Long Kegger
    By: Michael Swaim | | 4,116 views
  223. “Hundred Dollar Laptops” to Bring Knowledge, Hardcore Pornography to Developing World
    By: Michael Swaim | | 3,673 views
  224. Microsoft Thinks Windows Vista Sucks. Get in Line.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 19,302 views
  225. Halo 3 Marketing Campaign Finally Corporatizes the Holocaust Experience
    By: Michael Swaim | | 5,961 views

Videos

  1. The 3 Worst Pieces of Advice on the Internet
    By: Michael Swaim | | 190,176 views
  2. The 6 Least Necessary Sequels to Viral Videos
    By: Michael Swaim | | 176,843 views
  3. The Most Thought Ever Put Into a Terrible Nickname
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 75,128 views
  4. Why Hipster Bands Shouldn't Be Allowed to Use YouTube
    By: Michael Swaim | | 326,284 views
  5. The Existential Terror of the Easiest Job in the World
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 194,379 views
  6. How to Ruin The Best Part of Working From Home
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll, Breandan Carter | | 113,023 views
  7. 18 Terrifying Videos of the Most Well Armed Kid on YouTube
    By: Michael Swaim | | 317,011 views
  8. Why You Never Trust People With 'Idea' in Their Job Title
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 119,331 views
  9. 11 Sex Toys Seemingly Designed to Ruin Sex
    By: Michael Swaim | | 546,957 views
  10. The Inevitable Future of TLC Reality Shows
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Nick Mundy | | 151,887 views
  11. The Creepiest Thing for Your Boss to Care About
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 195,300 views
  12. How Not to Get Away With Sexual Harassment
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 148,168 views
  13. New Year's Eve: Least Productive Work Day Ever
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 83,909 views
  14. The 'Secret Santa' That Ruined Christmas
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 124,850 views
  15. When Euphemisms Just Make Things Worse
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 189,873 views
  16. A Conspiracy Theory Too Weird Even for the Internet
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 236,809 views
  17. How Not to Multi-Task on Skype
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 147,767 views
  18. Logo Design: Only as Important as Your Company Is Pointless
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 195,467 views
  19. The Startup: A Less Productive Alternative to Unemployment
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston, Katy Stoll | | 233,277 views
  20. The Greatest Overreaction on YouTube Since Double Rainbow
    By: Michael Swaim | | 448,189 views
  21. A Surprisingly Plausible Republican Candidate
    By: Michael Swaim | | 383,543 views
  22. 5 People Who Are Way Too Good At Crappy Jobs
    By: Michael Swaim | | 524,106 views
  23. The 7 Dumbest Things About the World's Smartest Toilet
    By: Michael Swaim | | 368,795 views
  24. The 8 Saddest Real World Superheroes
    By: Michael Swaim | | 526,580 views
  25. The 5 Most Baffling Moments from Old School Kids Game Shows
    By: Michael Swaim | | 496,676 views
  26. The New iPhone Ads Are Getting Out of Hand
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston | | 415,074 views
  27. If the Independence Day Speech Had a Heckler
    By: Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston | | 280,097 views
  28. If TMZ's Reporters Were Self-Aware
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston | | 298,299 views
  29. Eyeball Tattoos: Understanding This Horrible Decision
    By: Michael Swaim | | 619,570 views
  30. Deconstructing The Most WTF Clip In Internet History (DNC)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 592,506 views
  31. White People Rapping About Rape: What Could Go Wrong? [DNC]
    By: Michael Swaim | | 429,875 views
  32. Does Not Compute: The Internet's Worst Parents
    By: Michael Swaim | | 475,182 views
  33. Catch Up On 'Lost' (Via a 1920s Radio Show)
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim | | 210,022 views
  34. Does Not Compute: Worst Lessons PSAs Accidentally Taught Us
    By: Michael Swaim | | 720,305 views
  35. Does Not Compute: The World's Most Horrifying Toilets
    By: Michael Swaim | | 536,407 views
  36. Changing the World: Harder Than it Looks (Feat. Aisha Tyler)
    By: Daniel O'Brien, Michael Swaim, BriTANick.com, Tremendosaur | | 187,727 views
  37. Does Not Compute: The Most Needlessly Sexual Asian TV Ads
    By: Michael Swaim | | 799,340 views
  38. The Insane Clown Posse's New Glade Plug In Ad
    By: Michael Swaim | | 306,346 views
  39. 39 Astounding Celebrity (And One Cracked TV) Reboots
    By: Michael Swaim | | 820,003 views
  40. 4 Child Vloggers Who Make Us Fear For Their Future
    By: Michael Swaim | | 506,733 views
  41. 'Seinfeld Sucks' by Prushane12ForLeever: An Insane Mashup
    By: Michael Swaim | | 123,338 views
  42. 6 Creative Ways to Ruin Your Own Wedding
    By: Michael Swaim | | 573,837 views
  43. The 7 Most Incredible Displays of Pointless Talents
    By: Michael Swaim | | 667,310 views
  44. 8 Great Foods for Explaining Why The Terrorists Hate Us
    By: Michael Swaim | | 836,259 views
  45. The 6 Creepiest Videos Aimed at Children
    By: Michael Swaim | | 510,994 views
  46. 6 Oddly Specific (And Extensive) Online Collections of WTF
    By: Michael Swaim | | 498,624 views
  47. Precious: A Tale of Hope, Perseverance and Vampire Sex
    By: Michael Swaim | | 203,138 views
  48. 6 Types Of Youtube Videos There Are Waaay Too Many Of
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,306,722 views
  49. 8 'Adorable' Viral Videos That Qualify as Animal Cruelty
    By: Michael Swaim | | 367,097 views
  50. The 7 Creepiest Simpsons Fan Tributes
    By: Michael Swaim | | 580,640 views
  51. 4 Viral Videos That Will Haunt Their Stars Forever (NSFWp)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 403,938 views
  52. 8 Local News Segments Gone Horribly Wrong
    By: Michael Swaim | | 160,541 views
  53. 8 Local News Segments Gone Horribly Wrong
    By: Michael Swaim | | 801,182 views
  54. 8 Videos of People Who Look Like Special Effects Creations
    By: Michael Swaim | | 447,580 views
  55. The 7 Robots Most Likely to Rise Up Against Humanity
    By: Michael Swaim | | 368,395 views
  56. The 7 Most Mind-Blowing Foreign TV Moments
    By: Michael Swaim | | 548,666 views
  57. 5 Videos That Tried to be Cute (And Failed Hilariously)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 429,642 views
  58. The 12 Saddest World Record Attempts Ever Caught on Video
    By: Michael Swaim | | 759,447 views
  59. The 6 Worst 'Professional' Music Videos on the Web
    By: Michael Swaim | | 521,685 views
  60. The 8 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Amateur Music Videos
    By: Michael Swaim | | 367,944 views
  61. The 4 Most Impressive Wastes of Time On Record
    By: Michael Swaim | | 462,763 views
  62. 9 Child Prodigies Who Are Clearly Dangerous Mutants
    By: Michael Swaim | | 459,116 views
  63. The 6 Weirdest Fan Tributes to Mario Bros.
    By: Michael Swaim | | 1,057,517 views
  64. The 5 Most Popular YouTube Pages (Are All Retarded)
    By: Michael Swaim | | 491,205 views
  65. Looking Ahead: 4 Ways To Make Fun of Obama
    By: Michael Swaim | | 293,950 views
  66. The 5 Most Ridiculous Bill O'Reilly Moments
    By: Michael Swaim | | 335,702 views
  67. 6 'Adorable' YouTube Videos That Qualify as Child Abuse
    By: Michael Swaim | | 258,200 views
  68. 5 Things You Shouldn't Be Able to Buy on eBay
    By: Michael Swaim | | 753,510 views
  69. The 5 Greatest Background Performances in Viral Videos
    By: Michael Swaim | | 308,102 views
  70. If McCain's Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign
    By: Michael Swaim | | 185,632 views
  71. Elexploitation: 9 Shameless Ways People Milked the Election
    By: Michael Swaim | | 234,831 views
  72. S.W.A.I.M: The 8 Least Necessary YouTube Tributes
    By: Michael Swaim | | 207,664 views
  73. Samuel L Jackson Endorses a Candidate
    By: Michael Swaim | | 77,356 views
  74. Episode 2: Cracked Once Again Watches Pornography and Describes It To You While You Masturbate
    By: Michael Swaim | | 91,155 views

Account Tools

My Favorites

I have no favorites yet.

Cracked Friends