I started out but a small lad growing up in the green pastures of Massachusetts. I had everything I ever wanted including but not limited to matchbox cars, lincoln logs and a sea of Legos. I lived in quiet apathy to the world around me for about 15 years.

It was on that fateful day, my sixteenth birthday, that everything changed. My father had went off to Lebanon to pursue his dreams of banging Lebanese women and my mother, wracked with grief over this, packed up her things and left without a trace after claiming she was going to Wal-Mart to buy "A receptacle large enough to contain all her failed hopes and dreams...and pancake batter." I was so excited about the thoughts of pancakes I didn't notice her departure. Looking back, that was kind of a dick move on their respective parts.

I was left to fend for myself. Too young for anyone to care about my opinions and too old for anyone to care about my well-being, I turned to the only parent I had left: the internet. It has been 3 years since the internet took me under its wing and I have to say I am happy with its upbringing.

I now spend my time alternating between writing stuff off the top of my head for my college paper and calling out bullshit in the cracked comments section. It's a thankless task, but in my opinion a noble one.

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