Johnny Truant is an Eskimo explorer who circumnavigated South America not once but twice in a futile attempt to locate his boat keys, which had washed overboard.

Johnny is a twice-decorated veteran of the zombie wars who boasted 214 kills in that conflict before scholars ruled that zombies are already dead and that heroes like Johnny were merely being redundant.

Johnny writes for TheEconomyIsntHappening.com, which has won upwards of zero awards for its stellar awesomeness.

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