Conceived in the bowels of Hades itself, I am the wretched spawn of Kim Il Sung and Satan (and no, I am not Kim Jong Il... I am his lesser known, non-dictator brother).

Shortly after Kim Il Sung gave birth to me (don't ask for details, please) I was promptly abandoned in the center of a Gypsy camp.

I spent my formative years in this camp, wearing purple, having outlandish weddings, and learning the secrets of becoming a "Wanderlust King."

Skip ahead a few years and...

Voila!

...I am writing this bio.

BTW, feel free to check out my Facebook account!

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION!!! Yay!!!

www.facebook.com/jakegenebarnes

...also... ahem... there's my Huppages account:

http://hubpages.com/profile/Jake+Gene+Barnes

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