I'm Ryan Cooper, a geek from Carrabelle, Florida. Never heard of it? Lucky you...

It's what you could call a hidden gem, nestled along the coast of Florida, in a forgotten wasteland called Franklin County. The term "hidden gem," is used loosely to describe Carrabelle. A more accurate description would be a turd-shaped piece of Plexiglas that slipped out of Satan's rectum as he tried to escape the Florida heat.

Me? I'm one of about three or four computer geeks in this place. I've built, modded, repaired, and upgraded computers for the people of Carrabelle numerous times. It's my passion. It's like a job that pays for itself...

...except that it doesn't.



"Please tell me you have a hobby that's at least a LITTLE interesting..."

Yes, I do. I'm also a drummer.

"Oh God..."

I've been playing for about four years now.

"That's great, kid."

Yeah, I know.

"I don't like you."

I'm not a fan of you either.

"Who? Who am I? Answer that, smartass."

You're that monologue thing I do every once in a while for comedic effect. I can make you say whatever I want, whenever I want.

"LIES. You have no power over me..."

Damn I'm sexy...

"Yes you are."

See?

"F-FUCK."

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