Here is a list of distinguished awards I have received over the years that more than qualifies me to write here...

Awarded on May 27, 1998: The Way to Go Buddie ! Award: (Detailed from Management)
You have been deemed this week's recipient of the "Way to Go Buddie!" award for not getting piss drops on your pants because you have been shaking it in the men's room for three hours. You'll be able to redeem this voucher for a bottle of absinthe at any liquor store so you can blot out the memory of when we all laughed at you for trusting a fart during your yearly review last time around.

Awarded on March 13, 2000: The Exhibits Self-control! Award:(Detailed from Management)
We know you're the office fatty fat, but last week you showed true self control by not trampling over the rest of us at 12:00 for lunch. We know you had a turkey leg hidden in your drawer so that's what slowed you down, but, nevertheless instead of acting like a rabies crazed wilder beast, you held back, and waited taking the extra time to care for others and freebase a tube of cake frosting.

Awarded on September 2, 2001: Most Improved Player:(Detailed from Management)
We know you have the personality of a soft-spoken sociopath, but, we appreciate the distance you have come to join the winning team here at ****** Corp. It seems that only 10 years ago we hired you and noticed your peculiarities when faced with the various challenges of the job. We know the comfort you felt from slamming your nut sack in your desk drawer when you became nervous and we applaud you for refraining for the last 5 years. All of us here have pitched in and got you this golden plaque that says "Chet Munions no more will you torture your love onions." It rhymes, Bill thought of it and we are all very proud of what you've done...just don't come within 50 feet of us.

And this is the award that I gave to my boss! I love to give back!
Awarded October 31, 2005: The Mover and Shaker Award:(Detailed from ME)
Leslie, You're 65 and have been working here for 40 years, and for the last 40 years we've noticed that you have no idea you're 65. We've spent much of our life trying not to picture out parents naked, but you have given us the ability to not only see our parents but also our grandparents. Your dedication to wearing inappropriately low cut blouses and short skirts is paramount, not to mention we've noticed that you don't wear underwear, which is great, because we've all wondered what a grilled cheese sandwich looks like after it's been digested. You're just one of the gals, Leslie and we appreciate that. Most impressive was the time you had camel toe in a burlap sack...looked like two hedgehogs fighting over a halibut fillet. Leslie, we salute you.




Lazy owner of www.TheOfficeDailyNews.com , we will get around to updating the site .... someday

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