Hello. What you see up there, in that little square box is the screencap of a B-grade movie featuring you, in which I loom dramatically out of the shadows behind an unsuspecting top-heavy college co-ed (who may or may not be you*) to the merry tune of a thousand violins squealing a cacophonous warning come far too late. A warning that, at most, succeeds in signalling said co-ed to slowly turn around and to cower in the wake of my existence, before being shortly relieved of her terror by the gentle embrace of my mandibles...
At which point I jauntily whisk her away into the sunset for an extraordinarily happy happily ever after in which we settle down in a spacious, yet cosy cottage on the shore of some forgotten land and live out the remainder of our lives unfettered by the cruelties of movie conventions which would demand her death at my hands and mine at the hands of some predesignated ultimate hero asshat whose action figures would inevitably outsell my own.
*: In the scenario that this is in fact you, please feel free to leave your contact details and/or any risque or otherwise compromising photographs of yourself in my email.
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