I was born a small black child who never stole lines from a Steve Martin movie before in my life (I SWEAR, Officer!)

Ok, so as an abnormally tall for my age white child, I was raised in good ole Columbus, OH, home of the Buckeyes. Yes, those are the people that crush your nuts if you dis their football team, let's move on...

I spent my childhood and adolescent years learning the fine arts of necromancy, calf-wrangling and hovering too close to others until they are extremely uncomfortable. Somehow I also found the time to learn to read and not write like a cracked out malfunctioning computer (you know...liek dis lolololol DIE).

I am currently inquiring eyeball-levels of debt to get my MFA in Screenwriting. I am hoping to write for Cracked with the intent of getting wildly rich and finally reaching the pinnacle of my life: a pimp mobile, two Chip N Dales on each arm and a champagne jacuzzi.

Until then, I spend time with my mind-blowingly awesome boyfriend Mal, the few people that don't annoy the ever-loving *SHEEP* out of me and every dog I can get within a ten yard radius of.

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