The 20 Most Secretly Brilliant Stupid Criminals

#4. Employee Skips Work Every Friday for Almost 20 Years

Besides having the honor of sharing a name with a failed presidential candidate, Howard Dean was the food services director at the Department of Correctional Services in New York, running a facility that provided meals to 57,000 inmates. That's a full-time job to say the least, and for nearly two decades, Dean put your tax money to good use, tirelessly feeding the hell out of those inmates, day in and day out, eight hours a day, four days a week.

Four days a week? Oh, that's right -- Howard Dean tended to skip work on Fridays. Specifically, every Friday of every week for 17 years.

And Thursdays were the company "nap days."

In order to avoid getting caught, he charged his employer (you know, the U.S. government) $240,000 in gas money for nonexistent trips to and from the state's food production center. And because pretending to travel long hours by car can get pretty exhausting, he also got paid for 75 bullshit hotel-room stays at the Quality Inn. All in all, Howard Dean's 17-year streak of three-day weekends cost taxpayers half a million dollars.

The Secretly Brilliant:

The most unbelievable part of this story? The fact that nobody noticed.

"That's Howard -- he's invisible near weekends, due to a gypsy curse."

In fact, all of this came to light only after Dean's retirement, when someone in administrative noticed that the $57,381 in state pension money he was drawing may not have been going to the most deserving of candidates. A criminal investigation was launched, and Dean admitted submitting tons of fraudulent time cards. We're not sure what happened to him, but at least we can be rest assured that wherever he is, he's being well-fed.

And prison doesn't even have casual Fridays.

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