The 20 Most Secretly Brilliant Stupid Criminals

#6. Outnumbered 60 to Nothing

When a Michigan sheriff and two deputies went to serve a warrant on John Shulick, he didn't react well. He came down the stairs, smashed the sheriff in the face with the butt of a shotgun, then sprinted back inside. Police from all over the area sped to the scene, and the standoff was on.

More than 60 cops showed up, guns trained on the building. All roads were closed. People huddled in their homes, anticipating that the well-armed madman would go out in a Scarface-style hail of bullets.

Hours passed. The man wouldn't respond to pleas, orders or threats. He wouldn't say anything at all, in fact. The siege dragged on for 35 hours. It seemed as if nothing would break the will of this psychopath. The police fired tear gas canisters, presumably to relieve the monotony, but there was no response, mainly since Shulick's furniture is incapable of human speech.


"But we do know how to love."

The Secretly Brilliant:

That is to say, Shulick wasn't home. What the cops didn't know was after his confrontation with the sheriff, he bolted out of a backdoor of the building. The cops had been having a tense standoff with an empty apartment. A confused Shulick was apprehended shortly thereafter hiding on a neighbor's boat.

We guess it could have been worse. They could have found out they were having a standoff with a cardboard cutout, as cops in New Jersey did.

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