Cracked Archive - News
Trump Thinks Human Memory Is Worse Than A Goldfish's
I wake up every day a blank slate.
- Authors
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 27
Inventor of Substitute Phones Is Too Optimistic About Humans
We don't love, cherish, and try to legally marry our phones because of our ability to fondle them.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 10
16 Amazing Things You Probably Didn't Know
Completely true facts to spice up your small talk game.
- Authors
- By CRACKED Writing Staff, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 75
The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24
We follow the news, so you don't have to.
- Authors
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
- Published
- Comments
- 249
Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants
There's a big, glaring weakness with this plant technology, if we are to use them in a wartime scenario ...
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 13
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How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?
What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling doubts?
- Authors
- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 41
KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?
KFC needs to lay off the herbs and spices.
- Authors
- By Tim Hawkman, Luis Prada
- Published
- Comments
- 39
6 Times The News Went Totally Overboard Chasing A Story
It might sound impossible to anyone living in the year 2017, but once upon a time, there was a thing called a 'slow news day.'
- Authors
- By Alex Hanton
- Published
- Comments
- 54
Tourists Fined For Borat Costumes Don't Realize It's 2017
Sasha Baron Cohen paid the fines for these mankini-wearing miscreants.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 31
You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family
Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 40
The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?
Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.
- Authors
- By Tim Hawkman, Ian Fortey
- Published
- Comments
- 21
The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)
We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.
- Authors
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
- Published
- Comments
- 245
Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot
Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 23
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)
Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
- Published
- Comments
- 76
Who Chose Lena Dunham To Represent Millennial Women?
Every time Lena Dunham makes a mistake, the world collectively turns to all Millennial women and says, 'Well, what do you have to say for her?'
- Authors
- By Tim Hawkman, Lydia Bugg
- Published
- Comments
- 259