Whiners

Some people don't have a sense of humor, don't know when to shut the hell up, and have nothing better to do than bitch and moan in the most dickish way possible. These people like to hang out in the comments section of Cracked articles.

"THIS IS THE WORST TOPIC PAGE EVER"

Just The Facts

  1. All Whiners are equal. All races, sexes, creeds, etc complain in harmony with one another. It would be a beautiful sight if they weren't so annoying.
  2. No matter how retarded their logic, in their mind, whiners will always be right.
  3. Whiners have been known to make valid points, but then they act like the point is the most important thing in the world.

Puerto Ricans

We love animals, so why not make an article discussing how we've nearly wiped out various species due our collective stupidity (on Cracked: 6 Species We've Nearly Killed Off (For Retarded Reasons))? If this this article taught us one thing, it's that people are retarded. If the comments section for this article taught us one thing, it's that people are retarded, and Puerto Ricans really love their frogs (the coqui).

As an apology to all these assholes innocent and totally correct Puerto Ricans, we've included some pictures of Daddy Yankee, the only we person we know from Puerto Rico, expressing his love for the coco or whatever it is.


"I love frogs this much."

"A fist bump for all my frogs."

Humor us and pretend he's holding a frog.

Looks like they've caught on to Cracked's diabolical plot to singlehandedly tarnish the reputation of Puerto Ricans everywhere. While we could easily debate the validty of the author being a flaming racist, we feel need to point out that none of these people mentioned Puerto Rico nearly wiping out the Elfin Tree Fern.

In short, the moral of the story is that Puerto Ricans are a frog-loving bunch of fern-killing bastards.

"That better not be a fern over there."

Republicans/Right-Wingers

When the Cracked staff heard that the Republican party was dying, we threw our beret's in the air and had some roasted bald eagles for dinner.

Cracked editor-in-chief David Wong, shown here admiring his 'stache

Imagine our dissapointment when we found out that the Republican party wasn't actualy dying out, but instead losing power and having various Republican groups fight amongst themselves. Nevertheless, as part of the liberal media, we have a job to do: destroy American values. We're doing this by not blaming the recession on the Democrats (see: 6 Ways The Recession Has Made The World Suck Less) and believing that Obama was born in Hawaii and that Global Warming isn't a hoax (see: The Shady Agendas Behind 5 Popular Conspiracy Theories).

A scene from Cracked's annual company picnic in Iran.

People Who Think the Craptions Format is Unfair

If you're reading this, chances are you're familiar with the "Craptions" contest. If you're not, here's how it works. (Here are the official rules.)

1.A silly picture is posted at approx. 3 pm EST.
2.People submit captions (or rather, "craptions") for each photo.
3.People vote on the craptions they think are the funniest.
4.The person with the most votes gets mentioned in Cracked's weekly round-up.
Some people are upset that people who post earlier have a higher chance of getting seen and therefore getting more votes. Rather than go through all the hundreds of submissions and find the funniest craption, they submit a craption about how the craption contest is unfair, and people who agree with this sentiment vote for the craption, unaware that a) there is a thread for that, and b) both of them are everything that is wrong with the craptions contest.

It's like if someone entered American Idol just to complain about the song they had to sing, and people voted for them.