Porn

Porn is like a handgun; its cool if you own it, its cool if you use it when no one's looking, and its cool if you meet with other people to discuss it, but don't you dare pull that shit out in front of me.

Just The Facts

  1. Pornography is sexual media. It typically involves a man stabbing a woman with his penis.
  2. Rule 34: If you can think of something, there IS porn of it.
  3. The reason your left hand is stronger than your right hand.

The Good Side of Porn...

Porn can either be really good for you, if used in moderate doses. It could help relieve some depression and give you some exercise. It can release sexual tension, help you become more comfortable with your sexuality, and there's no way you can transmit STDs to yourself. Or impregnate yourself. Hopefully.

The Bad Side of Porn...

The dark side of porn is scary. There are things on the Internet that defy all happiness in the world, and unfortunately, we've stumbled upon a lot of bad things in our days of web-browsing.

We're gonna go kill ourselves now. Porn can be really bad for you, because you can become a masturbation addict. If that happens, and you jerk it too much, then you may become too accustomed to yourself. So if/when you do get with a lady, you might not be able to "finish off". Also, jerking it can lead to muscle and nerve damage if you go too fast, too hard, or too tight. Seriously, that shit happens. Ow.

Porn can also make you more dissociated with sex in the real world, because let's face it: porn is a fantasy. The women in porn are perfect, there's no such thing as stretch marks, and the men get it up every time. Not so much in the real world, where you'll have to deal with fat chicks, hair, and erectile dysfunction. So what's happening is that you're being led to think that sex is perfect, whereas its actually not. Trust us. Its not.

Compared to Real Life...

As porn connoisseurs, we have noticed very recurrent trends in the porn industry. In their desire to depict the perfect sex, porn directors have turned the actors into robots. They're simply not human. Their vocabulary consists of grunting and moans, and they're more physically fit than your average Olympian.

The Big Dick

Anyone man who has ever watched porn (read: everyone) has been jealous of that guy who apparently inherited their family jewels from a horse. Before you go and buy a penis pump, you have to realize that the porn industry uses camera magic just like the rest of Hollywood. Let's look at some male pornstars.

  • Lexington Steele, 6'2".
  • John Holmes, 6'2".
  • Peter North, 5'11".

That's some tall motherfuckers. So how about the chicks?

  • Eva Angelina, 5'3".
  • Lexi Belle, 5'3".
  • Jada Fire, 5'0".

So maybe some of these well-endowed guys aren't as big as you'd think. When you put a tall guy next to a short girl, its just going to make her look smaller, especially if she's comparing parts of his anatomy. That's just simple perspective illusions. But not all of the porn is camera effects, because some porn women are really tall. Jenna Jameson, the most famous pornstar of all time, is 5'7". Carmella Bing is 5'10, for God's sake. And of course, there's always the fact that maybe some men really are granted with the third leg.