Peta

Peta represents three different things. Since it would be unbalanced to only explore one group, all meanings will be equally explored and given equal opportunity for mockery. It's the only fair thing to do.

It's what's for dinner.

Just The Facts

  1. Peta is a group that abstains from eating animal.
  2. Peta is a group that advocates eating animals.
  3. Peta is a group of volunteer Indonesians established by the Japanese to defend against the Allies.

"Where's the beef?" is not psychologically damaging to cows.

Traumatizing children into being vegetarians is all in a day's work for Peta

One meaning of "Peta" is the acronym for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. They are famous for their protests persuading the masses to give up the carnivore habit, even if it means psychologically damaging small children with full-breast exposure. You know those two poor small children are going to end up in a psychologist's office with an unexplained fear of vegetables and vegetarians.

Peta has a strong stance against eating animals. Actually, it's more of eating anything to do with animals. No eggs, no dairy, and no meat. They've pretty much put a blanket ban on America's most notorious breakfast of steak and eggs. However, if you find that you simply cannot live without an adequate supply of cheese, never fear. Simply put in your order to the French farm of Le Petit Singly for human breast milk cheese. It's considered to be ethical since the milk is freely donated from women whose breasts are overflowing and lack the proverbial honey to accommodate it.

However, some Peta followers seem to have a difficult time going without meat. It seems to be a similar situation to when Bugs Bunny is stranded in the desert and starts hallucinating that his friends have turned into meat. In April of 2008, Peta offered a $1 million dollar prize to whoever comes up with a viable method of selling meat tissue that has never been part of a living animal. As far as eggs are concerned, you're just going to have to tough it out with "egg-like product."

Favorite worthwhile quote, "Even if animal research resulted in a cure for AIDS, we'd be against it." --Ingrid Newkirk PETA president

"Where's the beef?" is apparently a legitimate question when asking directions to Wisconsin or Montanta.

Another meaning of Peta is People Eating Tasty Animals. See what they did there? The group is a website hosted by Mike Doughney that gives references material for those overcome by the pressures of being at the top of the food chain. A few of the categories include meat, fur, fishing, and taxidermy. The group also sponsors a wonderful cornucopia of carnivore condiments. What self respecting meat-eater can go without the basic essentials?

Peta of the eating animals variety was at the end of a lawsuit from the Peta of the vegetarian variety. Peta of the eating animal variety registered the domain name peta.org. In a cursory and uneducated glance of the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act, it would seem that it is now illegal to register a domain name that doesn't actually pertain to the domain name itself or is too closely related to another organization. Hence People Eating Tastey Animals cannot register the domain name "Peta" since most people associate the Peta group with being vegetarians. Basically, Peta of the vegetarian variety whined in 2001 and cried "foul" because someone else got to the domain name first. Excuse me while I cry tears of sympathy while the government removes one less way for high school boys to "accidentally" find porn on school computers. Peta meat-lover Mike Doughney registered the domain in 1996. Peta didn't start boo-hooing until 2001. Regardless, Peta carnivores relinquished the site and resumed its shenanigans on a personal website. Regardless of all the stink about domain names, people still eat meat. Congrats Peta vegetarians on time well-spent. With that kind of legal finesse, I'm sure we'll be referring to McDonald's chicken McNuggets as McChickfu bits in no time.

Favorite worthwhile quote, "A resource for those who enjoy eating meat, wearing fur and leather, hunting, and the fruits of scientific research (and more!)."

ビーフがあるところ (Where's the beef in Japanese according to Yahoo! Babel Fish)

PETA stands for Pembela Tanah Air which was a Japanese resistence group based in Indonesia to protect against the Allied Forces. Somehow though, there's the sneaking suspicion that the recruiting officer was accompanied by someone who looked a lot like this:

I woulnd't turn down an offer to fight from this person. I just don't have the balls for that.

When I researched this band of desperate homeland protectors, I must admit I had grand dreams for them. I had visions of men hunkered down in the mud, tampsing through the rain, and risking life and limb with their poor village in their line of sight as they fought nobly. Something along the lines of Forrest Gump. I was disappointed. I readily accept the fact that I brought the disappointment down upon myself. To find that they did absolutely nothing was even more disheartening. They had a force of about 57,000 men. They could have done something. Go rescue cows who wondered off in the field. Patrol the beaches for ugly skinny dippers. Kiss babies. Deflower some virgins. Anything. What's more, once the government said the disband, they did. No argument. No uproar of wanting to continue the war. Truly though, who could be expected to fight under this kind of flag. It actually looks more like something your would find at a gay rights/ lesbian movement convention.

Favorite worthwhile quote: I have no quote. I don't speak Japanese.